Just a few days ago, I was reading this really inspiring book by Larry J. Russell, "Before Love Dies", and I was totally bawled over when I read that there are actually 6 types of intimacies experienced in marriage. The only reason why I went ahead to read it was because I needed to understand what type of intimacy we Nigerian wives get from our Nigerian husbands!
I've always believed that Nigerian love had one kind of 'k' leg! I dunno joor, you just can't compare it to oyibo love sha! Sometimes, when you think you understand your marriage, things start to happen and throws you into further confusion, making you question if your husband really loves you.
Read on...
1. Intellectual Intimacy. This is when your spouse has regards for your thoughts and opinions. When your wife comes up with great ideas and the husband puts her down and totally disregards her opinion, he has destroyed intellectual intimacy. Somehow, you just feel you and your husband are not intellectually on the same level. Or in a worst case scenario, someone is the 'olodo' and the other person, a 'brainy'! *hehehe*
2. Social Intimacy. You and your hussy share good times and bad times together. You enjoy outings together which help build your marriage. You guys also allow yourselves to enjoy your own friends. There is a balance. But has any of you wifeys noticed that in a typical Nigerian marriage, the husband knowingly or unknowingly socially ostracizes the wife, and spends more time with his own friends. The wife in turn begins to experience loneliness and lack of love on all levels. *Smh*
3. Recreational Intimacy. Marriage does not mean 'end of fun' for both of you. No fun times equals dead boring marriage. Work hard, play hard. Some husbands are so dead deep into and inside their work, that they actually forget they have a family and worse still tear the page of the dictionary that defines 'fun'! Life is too short for you not to have fun with your wife, talk less of your family.
4. Emotional Intimacy. This is the connectedness you feel with your spouse when the 2 of you are together. This is the glue that holds the marriage. Most wives are on their own on this! Sometimes I get the feeling that Nigerian husbands are only emotional during the 'chase' or 'courtship' phase but the minute they marry you, they become 'hard'!
5. Spiritual Intimacy. Oh my goodness gracious! I can't even begin to describe how difficult it can be to get your husband to be on the same spiritual level as you. Jeez, it's like dragging a horse to the sea to drink! It can be very frustrating to get husbands to appreciate God for all He is worth.
6. Sexual Intimacy. This sex of a thing can cause serious issues in marriage. I used to be naive that sex really shouldn't be a problem in marriage. Some husbands are very good at just spreading your legs without even looking at your face, or commencing foreplay, or even noticing that you are still mad at him.
What of husbands that doesn't see a need to make love to their wives...I'm talking aby months here. Whereas at the catholic marriage classes (we were taught that it should happen at least once every 24hrs or when d couple both agrees to)
ReplyDeleteThere is trouble if a man doesn't wanna have Sex in marriage
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