LIVING WITHOUT 'ACTION'

A lot of women are living with husbands that have 'no action' (if you know what I mean). I am talking about the famous 'Erectile Dysfunction' (ED) a.k.a e-no-fit-stand wahala! I can categorically state that it is not easy for these women. It takes the grace of God for these women to stay in such marriages.

This issue of ED causes a lot of problems in the home, ranging from disharmony to infidelity to divorce. For this reason, I am writing to share my own little knowledge about it. Thank God my husband is okay( infact he has too much action! ) and will continue to be in Jesus name.
The much I know about ED is that it can be cured. At least, for all the women whose husband suffers from it, be rest assured that it has a cure which can be done naturally through some exercises and food or medically.

There are many causes ranging from psychological to medical problems and sometimes natural as in the case of ageing. Yes now, old men who are in their 80s and above lose the ability to perform( really, shouldn't they be thinking of preparing their will?! Lol!)
For the psychological cause, an example might be from stress at work or at home as well as depression or anxiety from other causes. While for the medical cause, examples include hypertension, diabetes, obesity, drinking too much alcohol and some medications such as antihypertensive drugs.
Before I go on, ED is the inability of the penis to have or sustain an erection for sexual intercourse. Even on receiving the normal sexual drive, many a time, a man fails to get the required stiffness in his penis, which hampers his ability to perform intercourse.


In some cases, some husbands might have the 'fake' type of ED. What I mean is that, when it comes to him having sex with his wife, he will fail to have an erection but if it is with another woman, he will have a lot of action! Most of the time, the major cause of this fake ED is his wife. There are some wives that are generally unappealing especially to their husbands. Maybe it's because of their poor sense of personal hygiene, the dirty, smelly and untidy type. Imagine a man coming back from a hard day's work and meeting either a nagging wife or dirty and smelling wife with wrapper round her chest. Tufia! C'mon Chics! That is a major turn-off. Or is it those women who do not wipe after urinating (excuse my language, but truth has to be told). Or is it those women who lose their swag just because they discovered Jesus. then they start shopping for drabby clothes! So because you are born- again again, does not mean you should look like what I do not know. Even Jesus wouldn't approve!

There are some cases where by the man may be a chronic womaniser and it is only by divine intervention that his problem can be solved. They are never satisfied with the one they have at home, so after wasting themselves outside, tell me how you want to achieve an erection with your wife especially if she insists that you must 'do' her! Lol!

The 'koko' of the matter is that I wrote this to share a friend's experience and seek your candid advice. Yemi is my friend who got married pretty early (in her teens) to a much older person (30ish years older). They have four beautiful children. Her husband is wealthy and basically that was the reason her parents married her off early, so that he could help their financial situation. My friend is very pretty and now in her mid to late 30s. Her husband developed hypertension many years ago and had been on treatment then suddenly he developed erectile dysfunction 8years ago. They thought it was a problem that would only last for a short while, so they didn't really do anything about it until 3years passed them by. My friend's husband was initially bothered when the problem started but after 3years of living with the problem, he became less concerned. She has tried to find solutions on his behalf but to no avail until she met a doctor who told her ED could be treated. She mentioned it to her husband but he didn't seem interested. Now the issue is that she has managed to go off without sex for 8 freaking years and she is freaking young, not to mention beautiful!

My friend called me up last night to ask my advice on what to do. Haba! I don't know how it feels to be in that predicament and I pray never to be. She wants to have a boyfriend who can be 'servicing' her as her other friends have suggested. So she wants my opinion. I just gulped some bolus of saliva! All I could say was, "You know marriage is sacred and..." then the phone cut. Jeez! Thank God it cut because I really didn't know what to tell her. Please people I need comments fast in case she calls back.



N.B Please send your stories to naijahousewife@gmail.com. Follow us on twitter@naijahousewife.

COUGAR MARRIAGE

I just have to ask this? Who is the boss in this kind of marriage where the woman is older than the guy? Because whether the woman likes it or not, the African culture states that the woman should be submissive to her husband. OMG! I have soo many questions to ask!

I personally think Cougar Marriage is an interesting one. I know a few women who are married to younger men and funnily, the relationship appears pretty the same as when the man is older. At least, that's what we (the onlookers) are made to see.

I also sometimes wonder whether she aches to be with an older man especially when and if her marriage is going through the grind. One thing I know for sure, the man almost always cheats on his cougar wife!

I need to ask this one....who pays the bills? Is it the cougar or the cub?

I see men who get married to older women as 'gold-diggers'. When I say 'gold-diggers' I mean young men who get married to older women for their own agenda which ranges from emotional to financial support or even a mixture of all sorts. Point is that there is something in the marriage for them...but definitely not love!

Another scary part that keeps me bothered, is the aging part. Yikes! What do these women do to prevent aging? Because it is not everybody that can afford creams, pancakes and all other sorts of things. I have seen it happen where the woman looks much older than her husband and trust me I shed a tear or two for her. Check this out: imagine going to a party as a couple, and then a long time classmate of the guy says," Hey, Jide! You look good! Is this your mum?!"

I stumbled on this piece of information about Cougar Marriages:1. Women who marry men seven to nine years their junior have a 20 percent higher mortality risk than women who marry men their own age. That is cougar women die before their cub! It must be age catching up with the cougars. 2. The number of cougars with partners five or more years younger than they are has nearly doubled since 1986. Meaning that the economy is getting harsher for the boys and so need 'mummy' to take care of their needs. 3. When a woman is over 10 years older than a man she is married to, she spends 13 percent more of her money. 4. Most men who are at at least 10 years older than their wives, 27 percent have less than a high-school education, as do 20 percent of women in such relationships. So that ultimately means, they could be low-down-dirty-shame cubs!

My husband has this friend that got married to an old mama youngy strictly for gold-digging reasons. The lady in question is about 10 years older and is a bank manager. She has never been married and so unfortunately fell for the wrong guy...my husband's friend! This guy succeeded in sweet talking her into marriage. What I cannot categorically say is who proposed to who? Lol! They soon settled into their new home but 2 months into their marriage, the guy ran to my husband complaining that his wife hadn't got pregnant! Common, she ain't particularly a spring chicken, you know! This is what my husband had tried to warn him against but he ignored him...now he want a miracle baby from a wife that is almost menopausal!

Finally, I can't help but wonder, does this kind of marriage last...as in really last? 

KISS AND TELL

Lol! Many times, when things happen in my marriage(whether good or bad), I actually wonder who to share the information with. Ideally, it should be someone close to you and who won't judge you. So I start doing a fast priority list in my head: husband, mum, siblings, close friend, pastor or someone totally neutral. But then again, I pause...is it worth the stress, that is having to share this piece of 'vital' information. The thought goes on and on in your head until it dies a natural death!

Something happened to me a while ago and I must say it is killing me...I just have to tell, so I have decided to use this medium in expressing myself...please don't judge me ( not that I really care, you don't know me and I don't know you either!)

Two weeks earlier, I travelled to see my aged parents who live in Warri. I used public transport and it is not that I didn't have a car and a driver at my disposal, I just felt like using it. From the onset, I couldn't help but notice a TDH (tall dark and handsome) guy. He seemed somewhat distinguished and sensibly attired. The good part is that he sat right behind me!

While I was busy daydreaming and before I could say "Jack Robinson", this TDH guy had exchanged seats with my seat partner. I like a guy who takes the bull by its horns! So I guess he liked me too. I guess it was obvious that we were attracted to each other but we didn't act it. 

The journey seemed long and not to mention the bad roads! Anyways, we got talking. The conversation started off slowly, you know all the , "what is your name?",  "what do you do?", "where do you work?" - kind of conversation. We generally flowed and we soon found out that we had similar interests. I admired his intelligence, sense of humour and his great command of English. What even tickled my fancy was the fact that he owned a thriving business and still used public transport!..even as a "big boy". I had no other choice but to add 'humility' to the list of attributes I admired in him.

Please, let me mention that I am a happily married woman with 2 beautiful children. My husband doesn't give me wahala...so I don't know where this evil is coming from! Why I had that sudden intense desire for this TDH, I cannot say. My husband owns a thriving business, even though he works too hard. Do you think I lacked enough attention and affection?! Maybe that is what pushed me into what I am about to share with you. 

The journey soon came to an abrupt end, leaving both of us craving to see each other again. We exchanged numbers and addresses. He would be staying at a 5 star hotel for 3 days and I with my parents for 5 days. We conversed through out the night...

The following day, I found myself in front of his hotel room. I only wanted to continue our gist. Seriously?! Who am I fooling? As soon as he opened the door, that moment was too electrifying...the rest is history. Let me also mention that history went down twice that day!!

I never in my life thought I would fall in the category of women who cheat on their husbands. Shamefully, I have to admit that the sex was good...damn good. Contrary to common belief that you feel guilty or disgusted after an extra-marital affair, I didn't. Why? I can't explain that. Maybe it's because I don't feel connected to my husband anymore like I used to. Or maybe it's because I really connected with this guy, I can't say. I feel bad that I don't feel bad, rather I want to share this experience with someone who won't judge me.

If you care to know, I am still in touch with 'TDH' but no sex! So that brings us back to square one. If you were in my shoes, would you kiss and tell?! 

ANONYMOUS.