MY HUSBAND IS SEXUALLY ABUSING MY DAUGHTER

You know, when I keep telling some mothers to be extra careful on how they raise their children especially the girl child, they keep saying annoying things like "It's not my portion!" Need I remind you that we are not dealing with portions here but facts?!

I have received countless of mails on physical and sexual abuse, and it hurts me to know that we still live in a "Culture of Silence" where most people have an attitude of "Let them not quote me"! Rather sad because at this rate, we will not make progress.

Read one of such mails I got...

Dear NHW,

I have decided to run to you because a friend introduced your site to me. As I write you this letter, my heart is bleeding. My husband has killed the love and trust I have for him. Please you need to help me find a solution to my problem because I don't know what to do and I don't want to fail my 6 year old daughter.

I got married to this my husband about 3 years ago and we have a 1 year old daughter together. My 4 older children are not from him, they are from my previous husband who is now in blessed memory. We all live together in a room and parlour and over the years, my husband has not given me any reason to worry. Sometimes, I leave him in the care of the kids while I go to work. My 6 year old is the last of my older children.

Recently, I noticed that my daughter's panties were always stained with foul smelling discharge which to me seemed abnormal. So I took it upon myself to give her a good bath. She normally bathes herself and I know she does it well. When I tried washing her vaginal region, she refused to open her legs. I asked her why and she said that place was paining her. The odour coming from there was to offensive that I forced her legs open and cleaned. She cried with so much pain and so I was forced to take her to the hospital.

On getting to the hospital, to my utmost surprise, the female doctor we met, started asking funny questions about the people that live with us, if my daughter has been touched by anyone. At this point, I was like who would want to touch a 6 year old, talk less of my own daughter. We may live in one room but I don't allow my kids go out anyhow O!

To cut the story short, the doctor was able to get my daughter to say who had been touching her...my own husband! She said he started with fingering her for more than 10 times at different times. He would tell her he is checking for 'something' so that she would relax and not question his actions, he being the father she has always known. The actual penetration came only recently. If you see how this monster of a husband tore my daughter's vagina, leaving her with cuts. She couldn't give me any reason why she didn't tell me.

The problem is if I confront him, he might tell me to pack out of the house. Where will I go with my 5 children. This my husband has a better salary than mine of N15,000. He helps train my kids in school. He brings money for food.

Please advice me on what to do, I am so scared and ashamed to confront the situation.

...Na wah O! My dear, you just have to confront him O! At least for your daughter's sake. You have a God that can never desert you. Your husband is not your God! He is an animal that needs to be locked up. Remember you have a daughter with him and he may do the same to her, it's only a matter of time. I know some women who have used N10, 000 and trained their children. You are not alone.

Please speak out, at least for the sake of other women.