HOW TO KEEP YOUR HUSBAND

My dear, since everybody is coming up with one piece or the other on "How to keep ..." , I just decided not to slack in the essay competition! Stella Damasus and Alibaba have written their own! So why not me?!

See, nobody should say anything negative about what I write. If you think you have something to contribute, just add it in the comment. Don't mistake me for Stella, because I will not take it sitting or standing! For your information, I am happily married and still married to the same and only man! 

The truth is that there is no real formula to a happy marriage simply because one man's meat may be another man's poison. What may be keeping your marriage may not be what is helping another woman's marriage. Everything is God. 

But I guess we could and can apply some basic rules:

1. Women, please build your marriage on a Godly foundation. Believe you me when I tell you that a marriage without God is definitely heading for the rocks! The devil hates 'union', so the the idiot will look for any means possible to destroy what God has joined together. Men are lazy in praying, but forge ahead for God is and will be your strength. 

2. No man likes a dirty environment especially the bedroom where he will need to rest his tired head. Even when the man is not particularly tidy or clean himself! Yeah, tell me about it. Imagine your husband coming back from a hard day's work and meeting an untidy home, he will not be in the mood for anything...believe me! He is meant to relax in a clean environment.

3. Husbands don't joke with food! Gosh, I hate this part. But it is the honest truth. If you like quarrel with him but you see that food, serve it with a straight face if you like...just serve it! If you are a wife that experiments with food! Kudos to you, he will love you more. No matter where he hangs out, his mind will always be at home because he doesn't know what his wife may have in the recipe. If you are the type that doesn't know how to cook, you better go and liaise with a good home-food restaurant to give you frequent supplies of home-food so that your husband can at least get 3-square meals! 

4. There can't be 2 captains in a ship. Sorry, but na African man for you, Nigerian to be precise! Or do you have to heads?! My fellow wifey, you are the neck. But not to worry, without the neck the head cannot stand...so you are equally important in the marriage. So when you guys are having your regular arguments and he is shouting at the top of his voice, just make your self invisible or deaf and dumb or mumu yourself! When he is done, quietly chip in yours or you wait till both of you cool off! Na so O my sis! Learn to massage his ego. Any small thing he does in the house, please sing his praises! It is important so they can do and keep doing another one!

5. Respect his privacy and space. Some women are in the habit of going through their husband' s private stuff and then using it against him and in a very stupid way! Ok, you saw a funny text from another chic...and so?! Not only that, you go as far as going through his Facebook account and other accounts...ehen?! See, most women do that, so that they can step up their game and see how they can save their home from intruders! But you see, that's all these bitches are...intruders! Now you know, why don't you shut your mouth up and find out why he is looking outside. Even though some husbands have spiritual problem of womanizing. These type of husbands are the easy ones because you know they are just 'playing' and it is not like they have asked you for a divorce. So what you need to do is get busy with prayers and doing other constructive things! 

6. Husbands hate idle women! These women fast become 'domestic nuisances'( hope the English is correct)! There is nothing wrong in being a stay-at-home mother...best job ever! But please, there is more to life than gossiping with your fellow friends who have too much time on their hands. Imagine a busy husband coming home everyday and seeing his wife doing the same thing which is nothing! Some wives form what I would call Association of housewives! These group of women do nothing apart from gossip about other people or what their husbands did or did not do! Please get busy O! Being a housewife is not an excuse not to do anything. Go back to school, open shop, do networking business...just get busy!

7. Be your husband's Ashewo! ....give it to him, just the way he likes it! You too, tell him how you want it...you are married for Christ sakes! Some of you wives allow you'churcheousness' get in the way of things! When you are in church, you are in church! When you are in bed with your husband, you are in bed! Kai, boring women! Dem plenty! Be deceiving yourselves there...you better satisfy your husband sexually...or you learn how to! If you like go and ask your pastor! Ode! You think it is everything your pastor will tell you?! Some of you, your husband will want a blowjob, you will say you want to ask your pastor! I laugh in Chinese! 

8. Do not neglect yourself! Some wives are the dirtiest, smelliest, drabiest, most unfashionable women in whole wide world! If I were your husbands, I will cheat and cheat on you! From those that tie wrapper round their chest or waist, even towel to those that don't shave their armpit hair or pubic hair...ooh! The smell! They do not even use roll-on not to mention perfume! Or is it the grandma panties (remember Ofunneka's type in the past BBA! ). Even if your husband attends Lord's Chosen or Deeper Life, they still like clean and fashionable women. See my fellow wives, if you do not know what your husband's flavor is, you better ask him! Some of you are lucky because your husband will tell you, but you do not indulge him! If na bum-shorts he like to see you wear at home, please wear O! If na mini- skirt or make-up...please answer him! 

At this point, I have to take a bow! The truth is that we do not know all the answers but we can only try and then leave the rest to God. 

May God continue to abide in us and in our homes. Amen. 

(Sebi I try :-) )

SEXUAL ABUSE IS REAL O!

Please forgive me, I know you people will say I have come again! See I am a very busy housewife O! So don't take all this privileged gist I am giving you for granted! Hmmm!

Can you just imagine what happened in my compound?! My neighbour's husband's friend was caught red-handed 'sleeping' with her 13 year old sister! This fool who is old enough to be her grand-father, has been sexually molesting her for over a month! Ask me why the girl has not reported to her sister or her husband, she says he gives her money to buy 'puff-puff' and 'viju milk'! SMH (shaking my head)! So you mean to tell me that my neighbor doesn't feed her sister so much so she had to open her legs for 'puff-puff' and 'viju'! What is paining me about this whole thing is that you should see the way her husband swept this matter under the rug.

The other day that is how my friend's 9 year old daughter kept complaining about bladder infection, that anytime she wants to urinate, she screams in pain. So her mother who is my friend brought her to my house saying she was tired of this complaint, and if I had any remedy. Am I a doctor? I asked her. She said she had taken her to various private hospitals and a general hospital and they would only prescribe medications which would relieve her daughter for just a few days. Like joke, like joke...I started telling the mother that let it not be that somebody was touching the girl in her private part. I narrated my own childhood experience to her and how my dad's brother was always rubbing my private part and anytime I tried to urinate, check out pain! I didn't know I had opened Dora box (sebi, that is what it is called).

Then I and my friend dragged her daughter and started questioning her. At first, she denied and denied but I think her countenance gave her off and so we pressed on. We had to cajole her into trusting us. That is how the girl started shaking from head to toe like she had Malaria! Tell us now...we will not beat you...we won't tell anybody... Eventually, the girl broke down and started crying. She said it was her father. Yes O! Father! As if that was not enough, she also mentioned her headmaster at her primary school and 2 other male teachers. Ok, how and when did all this start and you couldn't inform your mother or an aunty you trust? We asked her. She goes on to say it was her mother that caused it!  Wow! Nothing wey person no go hear. Her mother wouldn't allow her to dress properly before going out to buy bread or other food items all because she wanted her to go and come back quickly. So she would tie a flimsy wrapper around her chest or an old small towel, since she had already started developing breasts. 

One day she went on an errand to buy food items at a shop a little further away from her house. The shop boy asked her to come into the inner room to collect change and so he started fingering her. She said it was painful but other times it wouldn't hurt. She didn't have the courage to tell her mother because her mother would beat her. From fingering to actual penetration. Na wah O! These kids will not kill us! But her father! His wife no dey there? Ask me what happened to the gist, NOTHING! My friend and her husband are still happily married, going on as if nothing happened.

Chei! Some mothers are just too trusting or should I say careless! If you see how they leave their children especially the girl-children with just anybody all in the name of "I know him, he can't do anything!" Even your blood brother sef! This devil can use anybody! The whole idea is not to give devil chance. If it happens, it has happened O! You can't undo the hurt.

The stupidest thing ever, and I don't even get this one is when you see a woman hire a houseboy when she has a female child! If you ask her, she will say "Ah, Don't worry, I don't allow him to touch my girl!"...Ok! Don't be upset, my lips are sealed!

Please mothers be careful who you leave your kids with. May God not let me be a Murderer or a Castrator! Amen!

Lessons For Great Relationships

Hi girls! I just had to share this piece with y'all. You know that I am not stingy. Anything that has to do with improving our marriage, be sure that I will share. Some women are totally clueless as to handling the man of the house! Yes I know it takes the grace of God, but c'mon you still got to do some work!

Enjoy and feel free to comment...we are all here to get some education.

No one would argue that education is important. And in addition to formal education, there are a number of other areas where we focus our attention on learning skills: driving, cooking, various sports and any number of hobbies. But what about our relationships?

Too many couples get into relationships without having learned the skills needed to ensure that their partnership will be strong and healthy. Additionally, there certainly doesn't seem to be any time to hone these skills even if they were learned.

So, have a refresher course (or for some, a primer) on the top 7 back-to-school skills that will help you have a relationship that truly offers you the connection, joy, fun and sex life you desire.

1. Respect: This is the key trait to a solid partnership. It's essential to respect who your mate is. Don't try to change him or her; rather, encourage the strengths your partner has to let them be all that he or she can be.

2. Trust: It's hard to have a long-lasting, solid relationship unless there's trust. This factor is in the "big picture" of knowing that the partnership is solid and also in the day-to-day of knowing you can count on one another.

3. Conflict management skills: Yes, it's true! A healthy relationship will have conflicts; after all you're two different people. What matters is how you manage the conflicts. Though there are specific tools to learn, the basic idea is that you disagree with one another while still respecting each other.

4. Communication: This goes beyond mere words. Aside from the awareness that we communicate with tones, body language and gestures, the best communication is when you're willing to share your personal feelings and experiences. This allows emotional intimacy, which enhances sexual intimacy.

5. Needs: You both have them and you both deserve to feel loved in the way that meets your style. But you're also each different, so if you're not sure what will make your mate happy, there's a simple solution: ask!

6. Humour: One of the most important qualities to a solid relationship is having a sense of humour. Not only is it a great stress-buster, but it's important to recognize that not everything in life has to be a drama.

7. Prioritization: The last, but not least. At the beginning of the relationship, each of you felt like you mattered. Chances are that life has gotten in the way and your relationship has taken a back seat. This is dangerous! Make sure to make the two of you important. Nurture your partnership with time, appreciation, and letting each other know how important you are to one another.

So, there are the top 7 skills that will allow you to maintain the relationship you hoped for as you started out together. Simple enough to do and just like when you were in school, you will succeed as long as you pay attention and work diligently!

SCANDAL IN THE CHURCH!

Yepa! My fellow housewives, you should read this. Our husbands should be careful O! 

A blogger by the name, Ese Walter has boldly come out to reveal her affair with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA (Common Wealth Of Zion Assembly) Abuja chapter.

According to her, her friend recommended the church but asked her not to join any workforce but to remain just a member.

After about 11 months of her attending the church the senior pastor (Biodun) sent for her. "I saw him at the end of the second service (they had two services at the time) and he said to me that he would like me to work with him. I knew I had no intentions of becoming a pastor so I had to ask in what capacity. He said he'd like for me to join a department, preferably the Pastoral Care Unit (PCU)," she said.

She later traveled to London for her masters but kept in touch with Pastor Biodun, who after some months paid a visit to London and asked to see her. "When I arrived his hotel, I called from the reception but he asked that I come upstairs.

"After a few minutes, he asked that we go to the roof of the hotel as his room was a pent suit and had a connecting door to the roof. While there, he sat on a reclining chair and asked me to come sit on his laps.

"He asked me to kiss him and all I could think about was seeing him preach on the pulpit back in COZA Abuja, Nigeria, which was my home church. He again said 'feel free Ese.' And asked again, that I kiss him.

"A few hours later, let's just say, we were rolling under the sheets. It felt as though my mind had paused. I am not saying I was jazzed, (although it's possible I was in some trancelike state and didn't know it but I just was so afraid that I couldn't say or think otherwise.) That was the beginning of this affair. A intimate affair that went on for a little over a week, daily," she said.

When she returned to Nigeria her church became uncomfortable. She felt shame anytime she sat in church and listened to Pastor Biodun preach and finally sent him a message saying she wasn't comfortable anymore.

She is therefore calling the church to stand up for what it has been commissioned to do.

Na wah! Speechless!

MORE SCANDAL IN THE CHURCH!

My fellow housewives, please, I just had to share this piece with you! Wonders like I said will never cease! 

Another lady who claimed to be a victim has supported blogger, Ese Walter's sexcapade accusations against COZA Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.

Read what she has to say below

This Ese Walter's story is true. I was introduced to the church in Abuja by my childhood friend, who moved to Abuja from Calabar two years before I did. When I joined, she was also a PCU worker. I really felt welcome in the church up until my friend started having problems with other women.

She told me it was because Pastor Biodun trusted her with so many official things even above workers that were there before her. I believed her until the day she had an misunderstanding with another worker who called her 'Ashewo Mary Magdalene' in the church.

After that, her enthusiasm for church started waning while mine was getting stronger till the day she told me she was leaving the church and shortly after she left. By that time, Pastor Biodun had developed an interest in counseling me and then started telling me to take my friend's place as a PCU worker.

I was reluctant because I didn't feel like coming to church early and leaving late but Pastor biodun assured me that his personal driver will pick me and drop me off and so I agreed. I started work as arranged but after a while, I noticed that the pastor did not respect personal space when talking to me when we were alone.

He would stand soooooo close and rub my upper arms or my back which made me very uncomfortable. The final straw was when he said I should go with him to Lagos to take notes and transfer same online immediately for some Pentecostal thing he was attending and he knew I was very computer literate.

I was excited till we reached Lagos and I realized that only one room was booked at the Wheatbaker Hotel, Ikoyi. Of course I complained and the Pastor called the front desk (or pretended to) to demand for another room. He said they would call back when the room was ready.

He then told me to help massage his back because he has back ache from sitting on the flight. I said I was tired since it was already after 8. He then insisted I lay down on the bed to rest while waiting.

I said I preferred to sit at the desk and he laughed saying that I was acting like a small girl or a village uneducated girl. He went in to take a shower.

I then called the front desk to remind then about the extra room. I wasn't surprised when I was told that they had vacant rooms and that nobody had requested for an extra room. By this time, I knew what was up and was ready for the fool.

I opened his pouch and saw his wallet which had his license. Took a picture of the wallet and the License on the pillow on the bed with my head in the shot. I opened the door and took several pictures of myself, the wallet and the License with the room number. Came back in, once I heard the shower stop, I started audio recording on my BB. He came out with a towel around his waist and started telling me how attracted he was to me.

He said many derogatory things about his wife, calling her a postcard, pretty on the outside but flat and empty upstairs. He said sex with her was like having sex with a cold dead fish, he tried to kiss me and I stood up, picked up my travelling bag, moved to the door, opened it and quickly took a picture of him, standing with a towel around him. He started begging.

I called him all sorts of names and insisted he gives me money for a separate room or I would scream 'rape'. To cut a long story short, he asked me to shut the door, I refused, he brought out 2 bundles of N1000 and asked me to delete before he gives me the money. I told him he was in no position to negotiate. Got the money, left the Randy goat with a deflated erection and checked into another room.

First thing the next morning, I left for ABJ. By the way, remember my childhood friend that introduced me to COZA? I narrated my experience to her and she confessed that she was sleeping with Biodun for over a year, even on his marital bed when his wife travelled.

Oga Pastor, try and deny my story publicly and see American wonder…. I still have the pictures and our conversation on tape. Thank God for technology!!!!!!

Franca E.

"HUSBAND, PLEASE GO AND PAY MY BRIDE-PRICE!"

Wonders will never cease! I just don't understand how some men reason! How can some men at this time and age, shamelessly be 'farming' on a land that is not rightfully theirs?! Please tell me!  After listening to my friend today, I was too shocked to advice her. But advice her on what?!

This my friend has been married for over 15 years or so I thought. She was forced to confide in me that her so called husband had not properly married her. I know that there are 3 types of wedding in Nigeria: court, church and traditional. So I asked her which one? She said none. I said "what?! Are you for real?!" 

If you see this my friend, she is so beautiful. Even though she is a few years older than I, you wouldn't believe she has a teenage child, talk less of dropping one child. In short she has been cohabiting with the man. I had to ask her what her family members are saying about this and she said they had abandoned her since they didn't even approve of the man right from day 1. She said she thought it was just her parents trying to prove difficult but they had obviously seen how irresponsible the man was going to be in carrying out the marriage rites. 

The worse part is that her 'husband' is now misbehaving seriously even when he knows he has not dropped a dime on her head. He beats her, sleeps around, smokes and drinks alcohol. He even stays out late to come home the following day. The idiot recently moved out of their home to join another girl.  You know what is paining me about the whole thing? The fact that my friend already has 4 children for him ( 2 boys and 2 girls). You mean after she had the first 2 kids, wasn't that the time she should have questioned his agenda for her?! I don't get it. It is now she is telling me this gist when things have fallen apart.

Now you see this fool don chop belle full!  Tomorrow now, when this children become something in life, you will then see him claiming paternity. Shioor! But this my friend no try at all!  At least she should have insisted on one type of marriage.

What do you honestly advice she should do? When I would have offered my advice, was when she just had her first child but as she no come tell me...she is highly on her own! 

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LEKKI WIVES - The Movie

Hi, Ladies! If you haven't watched "Lekki Wives"....please go and grab your copy now! I mean NOW! It is sensational. An eye opener. And very hilarious. Full of 'fakeness' and reality. 

As a housewife, I derive joy in watching Nigerian home-videos. They inspire me in a lot of ways and make a whole lot of sense (some of them though!). Since I don't have a regular office job so as to get the usual day-to-day experience my other friends gather to share, I have decided to watch my home-videos and gain my own experiences! Lol! 

Don't get me wrong,I am not trying to advertise for them, because they are not paying me (*eye rolling*) but I have to give props to the producer/director, Blessing Effiom Egbe. You try O! The series deserves 6 stars! What makes the film interesting is the fact that the storyline was well crafted  ( talk about creativity).

Lekki Wives tells a tale of 5 women living different lives but they are all fake sha! It gives a picture of what really goes on in the lives of women especially friends who struggle to impress or outshine each other. For some it comes naturally, some they struggle and hustle to get it while some will die to have it! Women sha! Even me, I am short of words! Lol! 

There is nothing as exciting as as watching people's lives replayed in a video! You know, everything and anything is not by force! 

I never knew people could rent cars for so long to impress...but who?! Duh! 

Some women specialise in breaking other women's home by sleeping with their husbands just for the money and status.

Some women spend a life time researching on other people's lives meanwhile their own is not perfect! 

I never knew that women could be lesbians and still stay married to a man who is busy impregnating their maid. 

Another interesting scenario is where a woman will be in a forced marriage and she will still have guts to bring in her boyfriend (whom she should have married)  as a steward and be sleeping with him to the extent of carrying 'belle' for him.

Thumbs up to you girls...you all played your parts well. Love you all. Muah!

- Chinonso Young

- Kiki Omeili

- Adaora Ukoh

- Katherine Obiang

- Keira Hewatch

My fellow women, pls go and buy O! Your eyes will open, even more! You can continue to bask in ignorance...it's your choice.

I Am 40, My Husband Is 70, Now My Marriage Is In Trouble

Wonders will never cease! Please help me ask this woman whether she was forced to marry this man. Now age is beginning to hit on them hard, especially on this husband of hers, she wants him to start playing 'ten-ten'. Didn't she know the age difference before saying "Yes, I do". 

Just read on and feel free to comment...

Please I need you to help me on this. I am 40, while my husband is 70. I didn't see this as a problem when i met him 11 years ago.

We got married 10 years ago and we have been blessed with three children.

The problem I have is that my husband will not allow me to associate with people; go out to see friends or have anything to do with people.

If I go out to work, what he does is to police me around with phone calls. From the story he told me about himself, he enjoyed life while he was young and I don't know why he's preventing me.

I am a very beautiful and decent woman. I hate women that play around and my husband knows this much about me.

I don't even go to parties as such because I know I have a responsibility to my family. But once in a while when friends invite me, I go but most time my husband will decline to go for no reason.

My life is very boring. We don't even go out to refresh, all we do is sit at home, watch TV, and go to church. I have
tried to make him understand my feelings.

He doesn't trust me at all, suspects my every move. Is a 70 year old man too old to make a woman happy? Is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my life? Whatever makes me happy doesn't concern him.

Honestly, I hate this boring life. Am I supposed to die unhappy? I wish I can be more open to him; there is nothing I say to him that will not be used against me in future. I wish we can go out together, to places of fun, but my husband sees it as waste of time. What can I do?

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MY FUTURE HUSBAND IS UNATTRACTIVE

I am this kind of a complicated lady. Several people find it very difficult to understand me. I'm not a bad person. It just looks to them like I complain a lot. But, why won't I complain about things that don't please me? Some even do complain that I can't be pleased. Well, I don't know about that, it's just their perception about me and I'm not worried.

Due to the kind of person that people see me as, I found it difficult to have a stable relationship. Despite the fact that I'm a very pretty girl, I still can't have a relationship that last long. The highest period of time that I dated a man was 3 months. I was just unlucky with guys.

They speak annoying words to me all in the name of starting a relationship. The one I dated for a day was the most annoying of them all. When I gave him my "yes" answer in the night, we spent the next day together and had a memorable time. On getting back home, I started receiving annoying text messages from him. He started talking about how he had been looking at my arse when we were walking. He even went further to describe how it was bouncing. Bullshit! I got pissed by that and broke up with him instantly. If I didn't do that, he would have gave me more insults. I came across lots of men like that. I couldn't just put up with them.

But when I met Demola, things were different. He puts up with all my repelling attitudes. Although, Demola is not handsome and broke guy, he's the only guy who has ever swept me off my feet. He made me see good things about myself. He never focused on my bad side. I was so comfortable with him.

The kind of love I have for him is the type that I can't categorically express. I don't even know if I understand what I feel for him. To me, he's the only man that makes me happy and he coped well with my deficiencies.

Despite the way I feel for him, I still cannot figure out the reason I find it difficult to introduce him to my friends as my boyfriend. I denied him on several occasions, saying that he was just a friend. He still would not get angry. Demola is so calm and God fearing.

He spoke to me about marriage. Deep down inside, I knew Demola was the only man that I can successfully get married to due to my kind of person. I still could not tell him "yes" for some strange reasons. I told him to let me think about it and he said I have the whole time in the world. He said he'll humbly wait until I decide.

Now, I'm thinking about how to break the news to my friends who actually thought Demola was just a friend. At times they even mock him in my presence thinking that he was just a friend. That aside, how will I take such a man who's not physically attractive to my parents and siblings? I could remember that I and my other siblings have always been in that game of bringing home the most handsome man. Also, my mother had warned me not to marry unless my man has a good job.

Demola on his part has a job, but, he's not earning much. He planned on getting a room and parlour apartment for the start. How will I narrate the story to my mum, siblings, family and friends? I'm so in a tight corner and don't know what to do. I am such a mess right now!

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5 Men Every Woman Needs To Meet (But Not Marry)

1. The One Who Never Wanted To Commit - Until He Met You
This sounds like the dream, right? The guy who proclaimed to all that he'd never settle down with anyone ever, and then ate his words when you came along? But the problem is that no matter how wowed by you he is now, the moment things become less exciting, less overwhelmingly amazing between the two of you (and the moment will come), he is likely to have second thoughts. And that will make you feel awful. Maybe you'll sense it happening, in which case you'll probably try harder, to do whatever you can to make sure things don't get less exciting. But that's a basis for a performance, not a marriage.

You need to meet this guy, however, so that when you meet the guy you should marry you can tell the difference. The one you ought to marry will be a person who wants to be in a committed relationship and who will work with you to make your marriage strong. He won't feel he has made a mistake, or been duped, every time something between the two of you isn't perfect, because he will already know that relationships, like other true and meaningful things, operate on an axis that has nothing to do with perfect-they are messy, real, evolving things. That's what's so great about them.

2. The Guy Who Knows Everyone, I Mean, Everyone, In Town
This is a guy who'll save you when you need to get a table at the hot, new restaurant or a contact at a company to which you're thinking of sending your resume. But be wary. This guy is always chatting on the phone -- or sending emails or responding to texts -- during dinners, holidays, all the times when you long for attention. Makes sense: He's responding to all those other people who need an in at that trendy restaurant or a professional contact, after all, and he's got to keep his Rolodex up-to-date; it requires constant effort. His desire to help, his sociability, these are some of his best qualities -- as a friend.

3. The Funny, Charming, Sensitive Guy Who Pouts And Says "Nothing" When You Ask Him If Something's Wrong
He's got so many wonderful qualities. So please, date him -- if only because you'll learn a lot about the importance of another quality: open communication. The thing about marriage is that it's really long. You might be the greatest, most thoughtful and kind-hearted person in the world; I guarantee you are still going to occasionally piss him off.

It's easier, for all of us, to sit in silence and seethe and think self-righteously that if our partners were better people, they would know why we are mad and wouldn't have to ask. It's a lot harder to say, "I know you didn't mean it, but that joke you made in front of our friends about my slow work habits made me feel lame." Yet, so much of marriage comes down to just those moments -- spitting it out, explaining what's wrong and giving your partner a chance to apologize and do better the next time. The brooding guy who punishes you with silence? After a while, you're likely to become so afraid of making him angry -- and so unsure of what exactly bothers him since he never tells you-that you'll have to tiptoe around him.

4. The Guy Who Is So Good-Looking - Or Wealthy Or Successful - That All Your Friends Are In Awe
Here's my advice: See what it feels like to walk into a room with him. Watch your friends' and acquaintances' eyes widen ever so slightly. Just remember, it can be hard to separate the feeling of pride and exhilaration that comes from having won the affection of someone deemed desirable from the more tender feelings that are the basis of love. Marriage is made up of so many amazing moments other than walking into rooms. Make sure the guy you marry is the guy you most want to stay up late with when it's just the two of you, the one you love being alone with at home.

5. The Earnest, Bright-Eyed Younger Man Who Adores You
This guy not only wants to commit your every utterance to memory but also heartens you with his sweetness and solemn desire to find love. This will help you more than you know, especially on those days when the men you've dated have caused you to question whether guys even have feelings. (We all have those days.) This man will help you to feel optimistic about humanity and about yourself. But you can't get romantic with him over the long term. Not because of his age -- there's nothing wrong with walking down the aisle with someone younger -- but because one-sided adoration inevitably curdles into resentment that the feeling isn't mutual. You might not even want to get romantic with him in the short term because he might feel some real feelings and what you might really like is the flattering reflection of yourself you see in his admiring gaze. By choosing to let him go, you'll have done the right thing -- acting in the best interests of two connected people -- which is exactly what's required when you meet the man you so, so, so need to marry.

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Why Nigerian Married Couples Aren't Having Enough Sex

"Why don't we do this more often? I love sex and I particularly enjoy it with my husband but getting started is just the problem," exclaimed one wife after a counselling session in my office.

Another woman said, "It's strange, but whenever we do make love, we always look at each other afterward and say", Hey, that was terrific. Why don't we do this more often? Why don't we?

Many married couples say that once things get rolling in sexually, they have no trouble responding to a sexual trip and escapade. But a couple's inability to get started sexually is the greatest single cause of sexual infrequency and sexless marriage.

As much as many couples desire sex to be a "sudden inspiration," impressive passionate, sex mostly happens in marriage when couples make initiating sex a conscious decision. Many couples have realised that while waiting endlessly for the time of feeling sexy, they usually are not feeling all that sexy until when they decide to have sex.

But "getting started" is only half the problem in most marriages. There's also the question of who starts the initiation. Let's look at the case of Bidemi and Lucky.

During the first seven years of Bidemi and Lucky's marriage, Lucky had always initiated sex and five out of ten times, Bidemi had willingly acceded. But one evening, after a party, Bidemi reached under the bedcovers and began to caress her husband.

"He just pushed my hand away," Bidemi recalled with obvious pain and resentment. "He told me I was drunk and he did not want to make love when I was like that. That my normal self would refuse sex and when he insists he wants it, I will always accuse him of raping me under the marriage law."

Lucky cut in. "I told you that I simply wasn't in the mood, I don't want your 'wahala' and I don't want to pretend about it after all, you always refuse and say you don't want to pretend about it. Why is my refusal painful now? This is what I go through day in day out since we have been married."

This escalated into cold war. Bidemi was angry, and she began to pay Lucky back with his own coin. The next time he initiated sex, she begged off, saying that she was not in the mood. She refused again the next time, and the next. Lucky, humiliated, stopped initiating sex altogether. They had not made love in four years.

Bidemi and Lucky are on a very dangerous game of sexual relationship, which has lasted for years, one partner does not want sex because the other does; refusing sex becomes a power play: "If you can say no, so can I." This is typical of many marriages.

Many spouses never initiate sex anymore because they regard one or two refusals as total rejection and denial, but sometimes, our partners may not be in the mood for sex, so sexual refusal should not be seen as rejection. The rejecting partner should always provide a 'substitute other day'. If you have to refuse your partner, let there be a sincere tenable reason genuinely accepted by the person refused and a promise for a make up.

Lucky's refusal of Bidemi's advance, however, involved more than a passing mood; it is rooted deeply in cumulative rejections that has transcended into frustration and resentment. When he pushed his wife's hand away, he was saying, loud and clear I have been discouraged and disconnected.

While Bidemi has only responded sometimes to her husband's advance only when she wanted, she is now so confused how to rectify things. She realised that there had been a serious sexual imbalance in her 7-year- old marriage and it wasn't fair because her husband now plays 'the external league'. I tried to show Bidemi that all along, she had been only a willing accomplice who has ignorantly taken her husband for granted and she has always had the power to refuse even when the man begs on his kneel. But once she too starts initiating sex, he also refuses.

Because Lucky and Bidemi both wanted their marriage to work, I urged them to sincerely consider themselves and consciously give sex another chance even when either of them is not in the mood, or either of them has been unfaithful.

I knew that their accumulated anger was preventing them both from turning themselves on. I asked them to try the talking-touching exercise.

Talking-touching is important; it connects partners and enables them to experience the long lost pleasure. Let your bodies make friends first. You can talk about the good old days. Once we allow ourselves to feel our partner's heart-caressing speech and touching, it is difficult to stay adamant and angry. When we relax under a loving caress, frequencies of sex are rebirthed.

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"MY MAID NEEDS TO WEAR A UNIFORM"

My mind is made up, any maid I am getting after the one I have is going to have to wear a frock! My friend is certainly right, when they are in these frocks, their head is down.  There will be no room for fashion parade! Half of the time, my stupid maid is thinking of what to wear to seduce my husband.  Is that what I employed her for?

Imagine the other day, if I hadn't come out of my room on time, I wouldn't have seen her leave her room with bum shorts and a tank top! Yes O! Exactly, bum shorts and tank top. I first of all clapped my hands and asked her what the dressing was for, and she replied that she wanted to sweep the parlour! Of course I ordered her to go and change the clothes.

You see, these evil people know what they are up to. The stupid girl obviously knew that that was the time my husband would be coming out to watch the news. So she had it all planned out.Unfortunately, the plan exploded on her face!

Another reason why I am going to insist that my maid will wear a uniform, especially those thick frocks is her habit of not wearing brassiere underneath the flimsy material she calls a top! And then while she is busy with the house chores, they get 'charged up'. Oga will call her and then she will run to answer him with her nipples shooting out. And you tell me they shouldn't wear uniform. They must wear!

My friend was telling me how her maid who came with nothing to her house except for a nylon bag of an extra rag suddenly turned fashionista cum diva! The girl specialises in changing her 'baffs' as many as 4 times in a day. The silly maid invests in spaghetti straps and tight short skirts, all in the name of running errands for oga and madam. She said that one day, while she was leaving her room for the living room where her husband was, she over heard her husband pass a comment on her maid's dressing and that the next thing she heard come out from her maid's mouth was "Oga, you like am?!" And while she made the comment, she was busy doing a 360 for him! Is wah!

So my requirements for appointment as a maid will be 3 tailored frocks (of course with belt at the back) that will be well below the knees. She will only be allowed to wear her personal clothing on Sundays. I don't care what she sleeps in, but she must never leave her room without being in her frock! I will review this conditions with my friend. Maybe she will have something else to add.

Please, don't get my actions wrong. I am not an insecure wife O! I just need some sanity and focus around my house. There is something about that uniform- wearing that puts them in their place. It might not solve all the problems but majority of their problems would be better managed.

I know some of you might say "Does it change anything? If the man wants to cheat, he will cheat", but the issue is not on my husband, it is on getting the house work done and properly too!

Stayed blessed my fellow 'madams'.

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"My Husband Rapes Me"

The courtroom of the Igando Customary Court in Lagos was recently turned into a drama stage when a couple appeared before the court for the dissolution of their nine-year-old marriage.

The couple, Emmaunel Adegbola and Olufunke, made allegations and counter allegations of infidelity and rape
Emmanuel alleged that Olufunke was unfaithful and as such, he wanted a divorce, but the wife, in a counter move, alleged that her estranged husband was fond of raping her anytime she was not in the mood to make love.

In his judgment, the court president, Mr R. I. Adeyeri, said it appeared that the estranged couple were tired of the marriage and love had been lost since all efforts to reconcile both parties had failed.

"Since both parties consented to the dissolution of the marriage, the court has no choice but to dissolve the union. Both parties are no longer husband and wife. They are free to go their separate ways," he said.

The court further ruled that the issue of custody of their four children, aged between four and eight years, including a set of twins, should be referred to the family court within the Lagos Judicial Division.

It also ordered Emmanuel to pay N50,000 as rehabilitation cost to his wife.

63-year-old Emmanuel, in his petition, filed on June 26, 2013, had asked for the dissolution of his nine-year-old marriage for alleged infidelity on the part of his wife.

He alleged that his wife was having an affair and that her lover always came to his their house whenever he (Adegbola) travelled out of Lagos on business.

"My wife was harbouring her boyfriend in the house I rented for her. Anytime I went there unannounced, I always met the man. My wife was unable to give a satisfactory answer on who he is or his mission in my house."

He alleged further that his wife started threatening his business by setting up the same business close to his business address and was diverting his customers to her shop.

"Initially, I told her that we should start a pure water business together, she told me she was not interested. But later, she opened her own pure water business without my consent, snatching all my customers and this is is now affecting my own business," he said.
He added that his wife was no more cooking for him, as she would complain of tiredness, and "that I should go and cook for myself."

But 40-year-old Olufunke didn't let this go unchallenged. She not only denied the allegations but also told the court that the man her husband used to see in her house, was her brother and she was not having an affair with any man.

She stated further that she was not threatening her husband's business but was forced to set up her own business because her husband was not paying her salary but was using her as a slave.

"My husband was only using me as a slave, he was not giving me money. He and his first wife were sharing the proceeds from the business," she said.

Na wah O!

"My Husband Took My Panties And Bra"

Lol! Do these things still happen?...where someone like your husband will be stealing your "draws"! I thought it was housegirl matter...it's only them that will want to hurt their madam for reasons best known to them.

Please read on.

The Igando Grade 'A' Customary Court had an earful recently when a 39-year-old female Police Inspector, Mary Igah, gave testimony in a divorce suit she instituted against her police officer husband

Mary asked the court to dissolve her 19-year-old marriage for alleged threat to her life.

According to her, Emmanuel, her husband, threatened to deal with her and before she knew what was happening, she found her panties and brassiere in his bag and she did not know where he was taking them.

"My husband took my underwear without my consent; I saw my pant and brassiere in his handbag when he wanted to leave for work. I am scared of staying with him. I no longer feel safe in his house," she said.Mary alleged further that her husband was fond of embarrassing her in public.

"My husband always embarrassed me in public, including my place of work. He would beat me and drag me out of my office while calling me vulgar names.

"Anytime we have issues, he would call me a prostitute."

However, 46-year-old Emmanuel denied the allegations levelled against him by his wife. He alleged that his wife was promiscuous.

"I heard stories about my wife's infidelity, so, I went to her office to find out and fortunately for me, I met her with the man.

"I did not embarrass her, I only excused her from the office and asked what she was doing with the man and she started shouting.

"I did not beat her. In short, I have never raised my hand against her since I married her 19 years ago," he said.Emmanuel appealed to the court not to grant his wife's divorce wish as he still loved her.

After the arguments, the court president, Mr R.I. Adeyeri, adjourned the matter till August 14, for judgment.

Only God knows who is telling the truth amongst them. You love her and yet you want to harm her through juju! What type of stupid dirty love is that?!

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‘I Impregnated Another Woman To Test My Fertility’

I stumbled on this article and just had to share with my fans! Imagine the guts some men have! Why are we women made to accept all sorts of rubbish in our marriages...things we know no Nigerian man will tolerate! Anyway, please continue to read and feel free to comment.

A 40-year-old ex-banker, Mrs. Regina Onuoha, has pleaded with the Alakuko Customary Court to dissolve her marriage with Mr. Paulinus Onuoha, over infidelity.

The couple has been married for 12 years without an issue.

The wife's claim in court was that there was no more love in their marriage as her husband had become so irresponsible and uncaring.

Regina told the court that since she got married to her husband, she had been the one taking care of the house as the husband had been jobless.

She said she rented the apartment they both live in, but with all that, her husband was still cheating on her.

She said the worst of all he did was the fact that he impregnated a woman twice while she (the wife) was still praying for the fruit of the womb.

"I was hopeful after the marriage that I was going to have my own child. I spent all my money on the efforts to have a child, but my husband never cared.

"Four years into our marriage, my husband impregnated a woman and then four years later, he impregnated her again, making two children while I was hoping to have one," she said.

She added that when her father-in-law died, her husband asked her to give him N300,000, but she told him she didn't have so much, that she could only afford N120,000.

"I couldn't afford the N300,000 my husband asked me to give him but I gave him N120,000 for his father's burial, but he asked me not to follow him to the burial, saying I didn't need to be there.

"He did this just to prevent me from running into his other wife and children because he took them to the village for the occasion and he thought I wouldn't know, but I gathered the information from someone in his village," she said.

She asked the court to tell her husband to come and pack his things away from her house as she was tired of the marriage because she didn't have any love for him again.

Her husband, Onuoha, who claimed to be a trader, told the court that all that his wife said was true, and that he was very guilty, but he didn't mean to hurt her. He prostrated to seek her forgiveness in court.

"I didn't mean to impregnate the other woman, it was just that I needed to have a child with my wife and we couldn't produce one, so I went out to test my fertility, to know whether I was or was not fertile enough to have a child," he said.

He added that he was ready to change his behaviour and take care of his wife as he would assist her spiritually, financially and even physically in her effort to have her own children.

"I cannot even be sure or say that the other woman's children are mine because in my tradition, if a woman is not married to a man and she has children for him, the children are not considered his until a proper traditional marriage is done. It is my wife I love, she's the one I want to have a child with, please help me to beg her," he said.

The court president, Mr. Godwin Awosola, told the man to seek God's intervention over his home.

He also told them to maintain the peace and stop abusing each other.

He adjourned the case till August 17, 2013.

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RAISING MY HUSBAND'S CHILD

My husband cheated on me about 10 years ago and got the girl pregnant, I decided to forgive him. The girl had a son for him. Time went by and my husband didn't really want much to do with his son.

My husband would bring him to our house occasionally. Until this year, the girl in question who happens to be a prostitute, abandoned the boy. My husband was forced to bring him in to my house. I accepted it since that was the right thing to do. 

Now the problem is that, I'm not really with my husband. He has found a new girlfriend and has moved out of our matrimonial home. The thing is that not only do I have to raise my 4 kids but now I have to raise my husband's kid as well. His kid, has behavior problems and is really problematic. I have been doing a pretty good job (I think) of raising mine because they are so well behaved and don't have major behavior problems. Now, other people would be thinking, why I'm stupid and taking on this other responsibility since its not really my job to. But that's the same question I ask myself everyday too. It is very hard for me to just say I don't want to raise him anymore. I just can't, because this little boy already lost his mom to prostitution and his dad doesn't really want anything to do with him and his other family have abandoned him. 

I almost took him to an orphanage but changed my mind because my conscience couldn't handle it. I really want to be there for him but at the same time it is very hard to be able to deal with 5 kids. Should I just give up and let him go to foster parents, maybe he will get the help he needs and the attention he is asking for, since I can't really do much because I already have 4 of my own to raise. Or should I just hang in there and try to correct his behavior and try to make an impact in his life. 

I came to this site for advise not for judgmental comments. The reason is that it is harder to raise this type of child! At school he got expelled last year, this year, the only reason he didn't was because I know the principal at his new school and he gave him so many chances but was suspended so many times. I had to get out of work on many ocassions to go pick him up and take him home. He also got kicked out of the after school program I had enrolled him in and had to beg a neighbour to watch him after school in which I had complaints almost everyday. 

Now at the summer school my kids attend and in which I enrolled him, he fights with other kids there too. Now the proprietor is threatening to suspend him! At home he likes to fight with my own kids as well, but if I keep an eye on him constantly it helps a lot. 

My kids have never been suspended or sent to the principal's office, they have honor rolls, perfect attendance, my oldest daughter did well in her SSCE exams.  Teachers at the school always tell me they wish they had more kids like mine. But its because I raised my kids to be this way. So not being used to my step son's type of behavior problems like he has is very stressful. I wasn't trained for it and I'm learning as I carry on.

My husband and I are not together anymore, he doesn't come around at all and has basically left all the responsibility to me. I've always had to raise my own whenever he fools around and so I'm used to doing it on my own, but I feel defeated trying to raise my step son. I do love him and would like the best for him, but I feel like I'm not cut out to do it and I feel because I don't know how to deal with him, I am hurting him more.