FELLOW WIVES, YOUR HAPPINESS LIES IN YOUR HANDS

Yesterday, while hanging out with a cool friend, she asked a disturbing question, "Why do women hate each other? Why all the beefing?" I laughed and replied,"It's in our genes to beef! It's what makes us women! Some carry out their frustrations on other happy women!"

What I would like to say to my fellow women and wives is that your happiness lies in your hands. You need to learn to love and appreciate your self. Nobody can do that for. And it is not until you start the process of loving yourself will you start seeing the good in others.

Your husband does not have the key to your happiness. Neither does your family members and friends.

For starters, ask yourself genuinely what is really the problem? Why am I not happy? What are the things I really need to put in order in my life? Is it my home, my spiritual life, my finances, my academic life...take it one by one. Do not leave any stone unturned. You can only achieve this when you create a quiet time for yourself. Really!

Secondly, is there some fellow woman you admire or wish to be like! Please quit hating that person for who she is. Give that person a compliment and let that person know you admire her in all aspects. Pick up the courage and ask her how she makes her life appear so beautiful.

One thing we women must know is that "Man is not an island" and we can only improve ouselves with the help of others.

Remember, problems will always be there. It can never finish but if care is not taken, those problems can finish you. Invite God into your life. It is only Him, I repeat only Him that can uplift one's burden. Don't make your problems especially family matters a point of public discussion.

I must say I live a sort of selfish life in the sense that Me Comes First! *sorry, no apologies* I have to ensure that I am happy before I make you happy. Is it possible to give what you don't have?

Finally, I would like to share with you the secret of my happiness (take it or leave it, na you saka!)
1. Be thankful to the One who created you (especially for being alive and well. That means there is a chance of a better tomorrow)
2. Be appreciative and grateful for what you get everyday (it could have been worse)
3. Be content (stop comparing your lives with other peoples' own...you do not know the whole story. People will only show you what they want you to see which is the good side!)
4. Pay compliments. Learn to say nice things to people and watch them smile. It's a good and godly thing to do. (When you start this, you will see your life transform magically, in and outwards)
5. Take care of your physical appearance...No compromise! From your hair to your skin to your clothes. If you have no clue, watch The Style Network or and start buying fashion magazines! You like it so go get it! No dulling! If your church does not permit good looks, leave that church and go to the one that permits it because you will just end up hating those women who are living the kind of life you want! #truthbetold
6. Have quiet moments you and you alone.
7. Do not be excessive in all things. Moderation is the key.
8. Life is about winning some and losing some. You can't always be a winner.
9. Hang out with positive people.

Love Life, Live Life! (with God by your side O!)

Love you guys. Peace.

"PUNISHMENT" FROM HUSBANDS!!

Still beats me why husbands do what they do! Like you attend a party with your hussy where there is soooo much food and drink, you watch him eating all the delicacies till he is 'fed up'! And you think to yourself,"thank God,I won't have to cook tonite"
It's really late and all you are thinking about is when you will get home and give your bed and pillow some 'good loving'..

*Fast forward*....you both get home and you are almost racing towards your 'lovers',you suddenly hear those most-dreaded-words-at-that-point-in-time "Iya,what's for dinner abeg?!" You stop suddenly in your tracks trying so hard to assimilate what you just heard and or if you even heard anything at all! When you finally get yourself, you look at the person that just issued the order and then at your clock.
You have no other option but to obey before complain since you already know its a lost battle. *sigh* or abi you want 'Ekaete' to do it for you and even more.

#marriage is overrated...*long hiss!*

MIS-DELIVERED LOVENOTE!

Thought this only happened in Nigeria!

A police officer killed herself after writing a text to a colleague thanking him for a "wonderful date" - but accidentally sent it to her husband.Reportedly,Gail Crocker, aged 46, spent an evening out with her colleague officer, while her husband was on a business trip. She told the officer "wish we could do this more often."

An inquest heard the pair rowed when he arrived home in St Stephen, Cornwall. The next day Gail, the mother of 2, took an overdose of pills and climbed into the boot of her car.She was found dead on June 15. Her husband of 30 years, Peter Crocker, 49, said: "She was my life."

You know, they should have just agreed to an open marriage!...if the woman was so bored!

INCEST, NA CURSE O!

A twenty-four-year-old man, Ndifreke Uko, has allegedly impregnated his younger sister, Otobong Uko.

The residents of Ikang Etta Street in Calabar Municipality of Cross River State got shocked when they heard the news of such an incident, as they could not fathom why the two siblings engaged in such incestuous act.

"My brother has been having regular intercourse with me until I suddenly realized what the whole thing was all about. And when I noticed it, I told my father, but he advised me not to make it public, until three months after I realized that I had missed my period," the poor girl narrated her ordeal.

It has been also learnt that the same Ndifrek had allegedly impregnated one of his sisters some years back, but the further details were rather sketchy and controversial.

Neighbours of the compound did not share their reactions with the journalists, however, it has been gathered that property belonging to the Uko family had been thrown out.

*Na  wah o!*

CARELESSNESS OF MOTHERS

Na wah o! Speechless!!...

A three-year-old boy drowned his newborn twin brother and left the other permanently brain damaged as he tried to bathe them while his alcoholic mother slept.

The boy said he wanted to make his siblings 'nice and clean' after their mother passed out having drunk four cans of super-strength lager.

The shocking sequence of events emerged in court when the mother, whose identity cannot be disclosed for legal reasons, was given a one-year suspended prison sentence for neglect.

She had sought refuge at a Merseyside home with her children after escaping a relationship of domestic violence, Liverpool Crown Court heard on December 5, 2013, Thursday.

The jury heard she slept in a single bed with her eldest son, with the newborn babies cradled together in a drawer.

The mother, an insomniac, fell asleep in the afternoon after drinking four cans of Special Brew, which is nine per cent alcohol.

The toddler woke up and ran a 10-inch bath of cold water. The mother found her infant children naked and unconscious, not breathing, when she awoke.

The mother called police and paramedics, telling a 999 operator that she had found her newborn twins unresponsive.

Both babies were given CPR and were taken to Alder Hey Children's Hospital in West Derby, Liverpool, where they were put on life support.

Days later, one of the boys died in his father's arms. His brother, who suffered a cardiac arrest, was left with severe brain damage.

She was handed a one-year prison sentence, suspended for two years, and a supervision order after pleading guilty to three counts of neglect.

The judge described the mother as 'in general terms, a loving and caring mother who understands the duties and responsibility of motherhood'.

She added: 'Your real punishment will lie in the images that will stay with you, possibly permanently, of what happened that day.

May God help us.

CHILD STEALERS THAT POSE AS 'FRIENDS'

A health worker in Bokkos Local Government Area of Plateau State is on the run after allegedly stealing a one-week old baby from her mother while posing to be a well wisher.

The suspect (name withheld) was reported to have disappeared with the baby whom she offered to carry while the mother's stitches were being removed at the clinic. The mother had been delivered of the baby through Caesarian section a week before.

A family member said the suspect had visited the house with new clothes for the baby and later offered to accompany the mother who was on her way to the clinic to remove her stitches.

The unsuspecting mother agreed to go with her and left her child with the fleeing suspect as she went in to be attended to at the clinic. However, the suspect had disappeared with the baby by the time she was through.

She reportedly asked those around of the whereabouts of the woman but no one had any useful information. She eventually raised alarm and people joined in the search for the suspect but she was nowhere to be found.

The theft of the baby has thrown the family and the area into despair with many describing the incident as strange in the area.

Interim Administrator of Bokkos Local Government, Mrs. Hanatu Dantong has, meanwhile, visited the family to sympathise with them, promising to work with security men for the recovery of the missing baby.

According to her, "this thing affects the whole of us. There is no way we will sit down in office and say we don't have anything to do with the case. This thing is not good for our image, that is why we came immediately the matter got to us to sympathize with the family."

She called for prayers towards the recovery of the baby and advised parents to be wary of people who come around posing as friends as they might have evil intentions.

Father of the stolen baby, Mr. Mahana Zachariah, said it was shocking that someone would be so heartless to steal a week old baby, adding: "I hear this type of stories and read about them but now it has happened in my house."

He thanked the administrator for the visit, describing it as encouraging.

DNA TEST, THE TRENDING LAB INVESTIGATION!

Lol! Na so we see am O! See wetin some wifeys don cause now, even our husbands who have been our one and only from time immemorial are now doubting if our kids are truly theirs.

If you ask the women why they decided to have the babies from other men, they will tell you that they were trying to cover up their husbands' shame! If you ask the men whether the sanctions on their wives would have reduced if the women had taken permission from them to have sperm donation, they will answer "Are they even supposed to go out at all?!"

Wetin I wan ask be say (pls note that I am not taking sides O), all those men who have been married for donkey years without any child and who go out to have babies with other women, una dey take permission from your wife? Meanwhile, it would have been common knowledge that the fault is from the woman. The wife is expected to stomach and manage for another extra 10 or more years! *speechless*

Mind you...I am not taking sides...#just asking!

It happened to my friend who had been married for 11yrs without any child. Then all of a sudden her 'faithful' husband just dropped one bombshell that a woman just had a child for him! He even dropped the picture of the baby on the bed, acting as if everything he did and was doing was normal. She ran to me devastated. Me sef. I was just raking and releasing fire! I asked her what she will do and she shock me when she said nothing that her husband's child is her child! I respect am immediately.

Meanwhile, see the case of husband. Let him venture to find out that 1 child is not his, the wife go find her load outside! Why can't her child or children be yours?! Who go lose? Wind go blow and fowl yansh go expose!

Like I said, I am not taking sides. Some people just no go get this statement? Read and make ya own judgement.

Ehen...like I was saying...Where is the justice and fairness in marriage. Why do men live for the 'better' and not for the 'worse'?

So please my advice to all husbands in this potential situation, think very hard and twice before you throw your wife's load out! And dear wives, please try to take permission from your husband before you play away match. Tell him what you told me, that it is because you want to cover his shame.

May God help us all in the decisions we make. Amen.

#Imagine what that money for DNA test will do for you and your newly acquired family. Look at it as...Adoption. Remember Adoption is not a sin or a crime.

VAGINISMUS IS AFFECTING MY MARRIAGE

Dear NHW,

Please I would like you to publish what I am about to tell you. It has been a problem for me in my marriage for 3years now until a doctor recently diagnosed my problem. I recently found out about your blog from a friend of mine and I must commend you on what you are doing because it has brought so much light in my life.

I have been married for 3years now without any issue. No one will believe me if I say I have never had sex with my husband! My friends think I have a perfect life because I have the most understanding and caring husband. Besides he has money which he showers on me. 

The problem is our sex life. I am really sad. Please don't get me wrong - I am seriously attracted to him. I even get wet when he touches me and performs other sexual activities but when it comes down to the real penetration, my vagina is so tight that  I experience immediate muscle tightness and an excruciating burning sensation. Funny enough, I don't feel pain when he fingers me. We have tried so many ways to tackle this problem, from using vaseline to bubble bath. I do not want to consider the final option which is surgery according to my doctor.

I am hoping someone out there who has suffered something similar will tell me how they cured their problem other than surgery.

I can sense my husband's patience running out and I don't want to lose him to someone else. The more bitter and angry my husband becomes, the harder it is for me to become aroused when we do fool around. I live in constant fear that he's going to cheat on me. I can't blame him, because I'm not meeting his sexual needs. Sometimes my problem is all I think about. I have migraines, nausea, and insomnia.

I eventually visited a clinical psychologist who told me that the vaginismus was probably as a result of the fact that I grew up in a home where there was constant domestic violence. True, my father was always hitting and humiliating my mother for as many years I can remember. I must confess, I hated him very much but can the hate be so bad that it will be affecting my relationship with other men despite the fact I may be attracted to them.

Please help anybody.


#My dear, don't worry. This problem can be cured and is definitely treatable. All you need to do is visit a good specialist hospital and like the clinical psychologist said, it may be your past affecting you. That you will need to deal with and fast. Time is running out so that you sef go carry ya pikin.

LONELY WIVES CLUB (PART 3)

Many people -- married or single -- are alone without being lonely, while others are lonely without being alone. Which is it for you? Alone simply means there's no other human there right now, but it doesn't hurt. People who are alone often lead full social lives by staying connected with friends and relatives, as well as enjoying their time on their own. Lonely people, however, feel a sense of emptiness or rejection on a regular basis. Alone feels okay; lonely feels uncomfortable.

"Loneliness is a part of life," says Dr. Schwartz, "If people expect others to solve it for them, they'll be disappointed. Loneliness only becomes a problem when not enough is communicated in a relationship."

But how can you tell the difference between expecting too much, having a truly troubled relationship, or rooting out some other problem that's justly yours to solve, such as having unrealistic expectations of your partnership or being an isolated, lonely person generally? Copeland, who has done extensive studies in loneliness, says that "people who are lonely are often uncomfortable being with themselves. It's a sign of low self-esteem," she says. Symptoms may include desperately needing company at all times, feeling rejected when alone, and postponing decisions or entertainment until a companion shows up. If being alone itself makes you feel lonely, this could be the problem. And it often isn't solved by being with someone else. It also may not suggest that your partnership itself is in trouble. It may mean that you simply need to find ways to solve the sense of isolation you feel, partner or not.

Dr. Schwartz suggests speaking with a friend or a counselor to clarify whether or not you're suffering from other issues. "For example, it could feel like loneliness," she says, "but maybe you're depressed because the kids have left, or your job isn't what you thought."

In the final series of 'LONELY WIVES CLUB', we will bring to you tips on how to tackle loneliness in your marriage.

LONELY WIVES CLUB (PART 2)

Why You Feel Lonely

Dr. Schwartz says that some feelings of loneliness can be caused by the normal post-courtship phase. "During courtship, a man is very interested in a woman. He thinks of ways to woo her." This naturally goes away, she says, when the relationship enters what she calls the maintenance phase -- when the thrill of courtship and even early years of marriage gives way to the reality of everyday life together.

Maintenance need not mean marital misery. It's just a new phase in the relationship, Dr. Schwartz says, and it may be the longest-lasting phase of the relationship or partnership. It can be a time when each partner develops or nurtures other friendships or other activities, and the partners come together lovingly but with less feverish passion.

"It gets even more intimate," says Dr. Schwartz, "The layers of the onion are stripped -- you start telling each other the not-so-good stuff with the good stuff. And the original passion returns intermittently."

Once we get married, we expect that we're not going to be alone anymore. That's unrealistic, and those spaces in togetherness are good and healthy. They enrich the relationship," says Mary Ellen Copeland, author of The Loneliness Workbook (New Harbinger, 2000).

Some relationships, though, are riddled with troubles that make one spouse or the other feel lonely. Says Dr. Schwartz: "If a partner hasn't noticed that you're depressed or sick, that's a problem. If a partner notices and doesn't care, that's also a problem."

"Being under emotional attack," Schwartz adds, also can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, no matter how mild the attack may be. Emotional abuse is not all sticks and stones. If your partner has withdrawn emotional or financial support, or puts you down in public or in private, you would naturally feel lonely. But calling it mere loneliness, says Dr. Schwartz, "is often easier than taking a hard look at your marriage." Maybe you're not ready to do that yet.

No two relationships are alike, but discussing your marital issues with a friend "might give you the perspective that you're asking for too much. You might discover that if your husband takes you out every Saturday night, for example, you're actually doing pretty well," says Dr. Schwartz. You may find out that other wives give attention to get more attention. "On the other hand," she says, "if you're attentive and you're being treated like a piece of wood, that's a problem."

TO BE CONTINUED

WHICH IS THE REAL WESSON?

A friend brought this to my notice yesterday. Now everyone is buying cholesterol-free oil, some evil people are trying to take advantage of the situation! Dem go put engine oil and call it 'cholesterol-free oil'!

I believe 'Wesson Canola oil' is a common one that most people go for. But see nah, the containers are different or dem don change to new container?

Please can anyone verify the Wesson container? Which is real and which is fake?

LONELY WIVES CLUB (PART 1)

Do you feel married but single? Do you feel like a co-tenant in your matrimonial home? Your husband feels like a 'he is just there' kind of person. Day in day out, you guys don't really talk let alone your husband asking you how your day was! You might just be a member of  LONELY WIVES CLUB!! Hehehe!

I stumbled on this article and thought I should share (Na only God go help me make I no fall one day as I dey so so stumble stumble!). The article will be in three parts...Let me know if you like it and then I will send in the remaining ones.

Whether your man is away on business, plays a lot of golf, or -- worse yet -- is just sitting there and not connecting with you, relationships can seem mighty lonely at times. Perhaps you feel like a place holder in his life. The kids are taken care of, the house is clean, dates are made to see friends, but you don't feel he hears you when you talk, or empathizes with your problems, or supports you in your dreams and plans. Perhaps you don't do things together, or you always do what he wants to do, or you feel you've wasted hours in front of bad television.

"One reason loneliness is so common," says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of five books on love and relationships, and professor of sociology at the University of Washington, "is that women are used to the level of communication you get from girlfriends." she says. "Girlfriends listen with interest and compassion. No matter how good a guy is, the comparison with female companionship is so pale that women feel alone. And we have such romantic expectations. We tried to find a soul mate, but we're often so far from that."

But there are solutions short of divorce. First, try to define why you feel lonely. Are you lonely because your guy isn't around? Or do you feel isolated even when he is? In either scenario, understanding the reasons for the loneliness is Step One.

You want more?