LOSING YOURSELF IN MARRIAGE

 I lay on my cosy bed the other day and thought to myself...Why do women lose their sense of self in marriage? When I say 'sense of self', I mean one's own identity.

Having a great sense of self is to my understanding, a pre-requisite to having a great marriage. I have met lots of women and I must say, with my little interaction with them, they do not really portray a true picture of who they are or want to be! Sometimes, I sense something more begging to be unleashed from inside of them but they hold that 'thing' back! And I ask "Why?"

Wives,you need to develop your sense of self in order to communicate your needs and desires to your husbands. This way you will not feel threatened in your marriage and it will also help you appreciate and love those qualities in your husband that make him a unique person.

Don't go into marriage and then forget who you used to be that got your husband interested in the first place. After marriage and babies, a lot of wives think "It's time for me to play the mama/grandma role and drop all those nice clothes" Please, bring your sexy back this minute!!

If you have a great sense of self, you won't be tempted to get into your husband's space! Yes, I said it! We should set emotional boundaries. Give your husband breathing space. Just because you don't have a life doesn't mean he shouldn't!

Spend time alone and find out who you are or want to be and reap the results of true happiness and intimacy in marriage. You will soon discover that your value and worth as a wife is not necessarily dependent on your husband.

Here are tips on how you can get your groove back ( I hope you like it):

• Do what you really desire (as long as it doesn't affect your job as a wife or as a mother)
• Build your intellectual abilities e.g read novels, magazines,etc. In short, be aware!
• Work on your emotional problems. Quit blaming people. What makes you so insecure?
• Work on your social life. Hang out with positive and spiritually inclined people. 
• Pamper yourself for goodness sakes. Make you happy and feel good. It keeps you re-energized for your husband and possibly children.
• Identify what you value most. Getting in touch with who you are at that core level will allow you to maintain your ability to give.