MY FATHER DIED BECAUSE OF AN EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR - FELA DUROTOYE

It can really be difficult as a child having to deal with a father who abandons his family or matrimonial home because of another woman. And when this sort of thing happens, it's as if the man is under a spell! I can forgive the 'cheating' part but what I can't understand is the 'abandoning of the home' part. I will keep saying it, any relationship that causes the spouse to leave his or her partner is almost always not a healthy one and trust me, it never lasts! That 'other' woman, once she has taken all your 'glory', will leave you high and dry. So it doesn't make sense to abandon your lovely wife and children because of 'pussy'!

Fela Durotoye, a motivational speaker and CEO of Visible Impact, who is married to Make-up artiste mogul, Tara Durotoye, shared his experience growing up with an 'absentee' father. Read story here. His father unfortunately jammed 'one chance' and went down hill from there. By the time, the poor man realised it, it was too late. 

This interview really should be an eye-opener for every family man. I am not here to scare you about having friends. Have O! But as you are forming friendship, please choose carefully. A lot of women out there are evil and professional 'home-wreckers'. They are only out to point and kill!

These are tips on how to fish out the 'home-wreckers':

• Any woman that will disrupt your normal family routine.
• Any woman that makes you spend more time with her than your wife. 
• Any woman that demands more of your presence, therefore making you tell all sorts of cock and bull stories to your wife.
• Any woman that starts making you complain about your wife in whom you saw nothing wrong with initially.
• Any woman that makes you stop taking care of your family especially financially. This is the worst.
• Any woman that makes you beat your wife.
• Any woman that makes you consider leaving your wife and your home! 

If this applies to you, please pray your way out of this problem before it is too late. Some of these women operate on the 'juju' level and before you realise it, years will come and go, and nothing to show for it. 

HOW TO FIGHT WELL IN YOUR MARRIAGE!

Yeah! I mean fighting well in a godly way. 

It simply doesn't make sense when couples quarrel and can't resolve the conflict at the end of the day. Sometimes, if not most of the time, the 'fight' leaves you emotionally and physically drained.

When I say 'fight well', I mean being mature about the fight. You should both take turns to listen to each other. I understand you are both aggrieved, but what you want at the end of the day is a Solution or Resolve. 

Calling each other names doesn't do the trick or making a point with your fist...totally distasteful.

If you really can't stand each other's presence at that point in time, walk away from the scene and when you have cooled off (even for a bit), you can send a mail, blackberry message or even leave a note or an 'epistle' if you like. You should state clearly the reasons for your anger and if possible make your recommendations. If your spouse is mentally mature, he or she will reply and this may go on until you guys come to a compromise. Trust me, this gives room for a healthier and successful conflict next time...Oh, you will fight again! But better...

Rules of DisEngagement 

• No bullying.
• Give your partner an opportunity to talk.
• No Slandering (use of abusive language or slowness in giving credit).
• No holding of grudge (guarding or cherishing your anger).
• No malice (the desire to keep hurting your partner).
• No revenge (taking vengeance that belongs to God).
• No hatred (seeing your partner as an enemy)
• No unnecessary outbursts of emotions...just talk!

If you can abide by these Rules, you may go back into the 'Boxing Ring'...

*Hehehe!*

JUST FOR LAUGHS!!

NICK CANNON DENIES BEING THE REASON FOR AMBER ROSE'S DIVORCE

Soon after news broke out about Wiz and Amber's split (Read Here), Nick Cannon's name is being tossed around as a trigger for their break up... but Nick is telling people that just isn't the case. 

Sources close to Nick tell TMZ ... Nick and Amber -- who just recently got into business together -- have kept things strictly professional. Nick insists ... NOTHING happened in the cheating department.

Nick claims he only learned about Amber's domestic problems through her lawyers last week when he signed her on as a client. That's when Nick says he found out her marriage was on the rocks and only then did the two share break-up stories.

Multiple sources tell TMZ ... Wiz and Amber are each accusing the other of cheating.

6 MISTAKES MARRIED WOMEN MAKE

 According to Julie Edgar, if you are a married woman and can avoid these 6 mistakes, you are guaranteed a happy marriage...

Getting married is easy but staying married is trickier. A lot of women spend their marital lives saying "Yes sir, Yes Sir, ...three bags full" to their husbands without being able to truly express themselves. They do everything possible to make their husbands happy even when they are dying slowly inside because they feel that the love is not reciprocated. Meanwhile, the poor husband is oblivious of this fact because he's getting the impression that his wife is extremely happy doing everything for him.

Here are a list of big time mistakes women commit that can cost them their marriage:

1. Being Quick to Please Your Husband, not once but all the time. It's all about him and not both of you. With time, he either takes you for granted or he gets bored of you! Before you take any decision, discuss with him.

2. Not Being Clear About Your Expectations from onset. Like I said in a previous post (Read Here), know what to expect from your spouse and marriage from day 1. Do not be on auto-pilot. That is, do not operate based on assumptions. This can lead to a lot of resentment later in the marriage.

3. Under-estimating the Effect of Tone of Voice. Mind the tone in which you speak. Remember that you are dealing with an African, moreso a Nigerian. It's not really what you say that matters but how you say it. How you say it, just has to portray some level of respect.

4. Mismatched Communication Styles. Sometimes, how and when you stay stuff, might not be good enough to get your husband's attention. Imagine choosing to say something to your hussy while and when he settles to watch his favourite football match.

5. Not Making Sex a Priority. Excuse?... tiredness or fatigue from work or vigil! Serious mistake. Most Nigerian wives don't make sex a priority because they don't feel sexy. It's high time they prioritized self-care.

6. Forgetting to Cherish Their Spouse. Lots of wives get 'lost' in caring for kids, work, home and church affairs, that they forget their husbands exist. It would be nice if you doled out smiles, eye contact, hugs, touches that 'shout' "I see you" or "I love you".

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS IN MARRIAGE

 Did you just get married recently?...well, happy married life! I really do wish you all the best in your marriage...really I do.

The only thing that kinda bothers me, wifey, are the illusions  delusions you have of marriage! The way I see it, if you continue to have those funny ideas of how 'perfect' your marriage or husband should be, you are gonna end up a frustrated mad black woman or possibly end up writing a 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman'!

If I start highlighting some examples of expectations you have, I will probably end up writing a book...naah, you wouldn't want that. So I'll just mention a few :

1. That you will wave your magic wand and change him. Change him to what exactly, if I may ask?! Are you a magician? *singing in Blackmagic's voice* You knew his 'bad' habits before you said "I do" and you chose to go ahead with the marriage. If you are lucky he drops those habits, it's because he chose to and not because of your nagging ways!

2. That your 'perfect' husband will never make mistakes. Sweetheart, please think again. No one is perfect except our Heavenly Father. Therefore, brace your selves, do not fall in love, hook, line and sinker...your expectations are building up! All I can plead with you is to be prepared to forgive!

3. That your marriage will never have rocky moments?! Please O!...you better wake up and smell the cappuccino! Believe me, there will be quarrels, arguments or fights that will threaten to tear the marriage apart...never lose hope or give up easily. Prayer is always the best way out.

4. That there won't be moments when you feel like 'the other woman'. Na so O, my darling sis. Your feelings for each other will definitely go through phases and be sure that it won't be like the way you guys started off! But, that ain't mean he doesn't love you.

5. That he will be at your beck and call?! No, sweetheart, don't get it twisted...you, will be at his beck and call. You, will tend and cater to his every needs and whims! You see, the joke will be on you eventually...Lol! He did his part when and while he was courting you...now it's your turn.

6. That his friends will disappear or his 'boys' night out' will come to an abrupt end because of what...marriage?! You gotta be kidding me here...it will, my dear, get 'worse'. You know why?...you are too busy, breastfeeding, cooking, cleaning...at least that's what I hear them give as excuses!

Are you scared? Please don't be because we only got started! *Hehehe*

IS YOUR MARRIAGE BASED ON FRIENDSHIP?

IS YOUR MARRIAGE BASED ON TRUE LOVE FRIENDSHIP?

Yeah, I changed my mind about the 'true love' thingy because that word is so cliche!

I just remembered that 'Love' means different things to different people, so I would rather stick to friendship. A lot of couples don't get married based on this. I dunno, people just assume that married people should act in a certain way...well, not exactly, apart from stay happily married!

'Friendship' is a relationship of mutual affection between 2 people (as in the case of marriage). In marriage, allies are formed in struggle or hustle, sickness and in health. But what do we have these days? At the slightest discomfort or conflict, someone is packing bags and baggages and bailing out. No one is ready to share anybody's 'hustle' or 'struggle' and then you say it's marriage?

In friendship, communication should be easy. Nobody looks down on the other person, like a Lord and master kind of thing. Age, language, money can't even get in the way.

Friendship allows you both to enjoy each others company even when the romance isn't there at that point in time.

There is no big deal in sharing stuff in friendship, even your fart!!...Oops, I said it!

Friendship is doing favours for each other, even when this time it's a real big deal!

Not staying angry at each other for so long defines true friendship.

I know you are thinking, "You are mentioning friendship too much in every sentence"...Yeah, I need to get it straight into your head that friendship is the true foundation of marriage. 

Friendship in marriage shouldn't be restrictive or constrictive. It shouldn't stop you guys from living your individual lives. You should have your friends and him, his. In other words, you should accommodate each other's friends.

Marriage shouldn't always be about sex but just plain hanging out like a brother-sister kinda thing...with arguments and conflicts here and there.

Marriage is about having fun with and in your lives!

So, what do you think?...Are you ready for the ride?! Leggo!

"THERE WAS A TIME I STOPPED TALKING TO MY HUSBAND" - LARA GEORGE

Marriage definitely has its own ups and downs, and no one seems to be spared from it, even our singer, Lara George.

On a recent interview with DailyPost Nigeria, she gave an insight as to the turbulence her and husband passed through over her 10 years of marriage.

 In her words,
“There were many times like that. We have had our fair share. I remember a time we weren’t talking to each other. It got really serious that I had to call my pastor that I was fed up with my marriage. I can remember that my pastor was not around then, but he spoke to my husband that Jesus loves the church unconditionally and things were sorted out. I am glad my husband allowed someone he sees as a mentor to step into the situation” 

She stated clearly how understanding her husband had been a great challenge for her, which is very key in marriage. A lot of young couple today get into this 'contract' without really understanding the terms of the contract.

She also tried explaining how different the relationship was when her and her husband where still doing 'boyfriend and girlfriend' as compared to being really married. *Therefore, young ladies, shine your eyes O! Once you have that ring on your finger, it comes with a 'price', LOL! Just quickly remove the wedding gown, run into the kitchen and change into your apron, because real work has started!* Don't mind me O! Marriage is sweet, but it depends on how you make your bed sha...

I'm happy Lara agrees that a Happy Marriage is not what happens in a day, it takes time and has a process, only if both parties involved are ready and open to learning.

WHY ANGELINA AND BRAD DECIDED TO GET MARRIED AFTER SO LONG

According to CNN, after much speculation about Angelina and Brad's relationship, the pair finally secretly tied the knot.

Well, just like me, people are wondering why it took them so long to make this decision. I don't blame really, marriage can be emotionally, psychologically and physically draining. So, my guess is this...their kids grew older, and just like other kids, they naturally wanted their parents to make their relationship more permanent!

I'm not sure anyone would agree with me, but there is usually something 'jinxy' about marriage. When there is no committment or strings attached, the relationship is sweeter but the minute you say "I do"...*Cough*

"MY HUSBAND HAS A BAD BODY ODOUR"

Wowzy! Mails like this can be pretty scary...

Dear NHW,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for discussing my personal issues but I am very desperate for answers. I need advice from blog readers, maybe someone who has had an experience can help me out. 

I am married to a very handsome and wonderfully made man. God knows, I love him so much. He is a typical definition of a devoted family man. We have been married for 5 years now but I must tell you it hasn't been easy. He is suffering from a bad case of body odour. We have tried everything but nothing seems to be working. We even visited the hospital, and the doctor have tried their best even though they think I am over reacting. Our close friends tease him a lot about it and I feel the internal and mental pain he goes through.

The only time I really enjoy him is when he has just left the bathroom. But give him like 30 minutes and we are back to square one. He tries to shield the odour with deodorants and expensive perfumes but that only helps for a few hours. I want the smell to go away permanently. It's beginning to affect our sex life. Once I perceive that body odour, my libido drops to ground level.

Please help me...

*Choi! See the distress plea...Please help me. Dear complaining wife, I think you are exaggerating a little bit but I'm not insinuating you are lying O! No matter how offensive a body odour is, it can't be that bad that it cannot be dealt with. If your hussy is on the big side, it may cause him to sweat too often and that can contribute to the body odour (BO). What he can also do is to have frequent baths in a day and change his clothing. He may need to see a dermatologist so that they can check that he is not harbouring a bad bacteria that is causing a reaction and leaving a bad smell.

"MY HUSBAND HAS REFUSED TO UPDATE MY HOUSE-FEEDING ALLOWANCE"

I really wished our husbands will be paying us house-keeping allowance in dollars or pounds! But of course, in my dreams!

I got a mail from a blog reader who had so much to say on a topic I think I have addressed on this blog, the issue of house-keeping money. I really need the attention of husbands here at this point because this issue is fast becoming a problem in most Nigerian homes.

Read on...

Dear NHW, 

I am seriously fed up with my husband's nonchalant attitude towards increasing the house feeding allowance. He has just refused to update it since 6 years we got married. The same 40,000 naira he started with in my marriage, is still the same amount I am receiving today!

My husband runs a thriving pure-water business and has a large number of customers he delivers water to. So why won't he increase my money as God has richly blessed him. Sometimes I wonder if he has a secret family he is taking care of.

When I bring up this matter, he says that if I am not happy with the amount, I can either leave it or return it back to him. Is that a normal thing to say when we have 3 children and 4 adults to feed monthly. In this same 40,000 naira, he wants to eat regularly, have the best of the best assorted meat and 3 square meals. In this same 40,000 naira, I am supposed to buy gas and take care of myself, since I am a housewife. 

I don't know how much I can take. Sometimes, his attitude makes me think about my ex-boyfriend who would have done a better job of taking care of me. That guy pampered me silly but for our different tribes, both our parents kicked against the relationship.

I really need you to publish this so that other husbands can see what a fellow man is doing. I told my husband that I sent you a mail, hoping that men like him will comment and advice him better.

Please help me, please!

*My dear colleague, I feel your plight! But before I start sharing my sympathy, your matter is really a pathetic one. You can be rest assured you are not the only wife suffering from this problem. Some men are just unnecessarily difficult and stingy. If I say that you should give them the food that their money covers, they will now have a reason to pack their load and abandon the home into the arms of a 'theiving' woman who is trying to reap where she did not sow!

Husbands, please try and stay updated with the price of foodstuffs in the market. What will you gain putting your wife through this agony and after when this same woman manages to sort herself out, you will want to take the glory. Please, act more responsibly. Your wife and kids should reflect your success. If you can't take care of your homefront, don't expect too much from God then...I'm not cursing anybody, I'm just saying.

MY WIFE IS A 'SCAM'!

MY WIFE IS A 'SCAM'!

This is a serious matter! *Speaking in Onyeka Onwenu's voice*

Read on...

Dear NHW,

I just discovered I married a fake woman in every sense of the word! I am writing this letter to you so that you can warn any man out there, that they shouldn't venture and marry any girl until he examines her from head to toe!

*Yepa!!*

I am so bitter and angry. My wife whom I thought is beautiful is actually not beautiful! When I met her at a friend's office, I thought it was love at first sight. She always had a lovely hair do, lovely smile (anyway, she is a receptionist), nails well manicured and lovely hips and bum.

I went ahead and courted her for about 6 months and never for one day did I see her body or she mine because of my faith. All these while, she kept her true nature away from me and so I asked for her hand in marriage. Besides, age was not really on my side and my family members were putting too much pressure on me to get married.

Do you know that on the night of our wedding, as I tried to make love to her, I mistakenly pulled off her wig! The scar on her head was a complete eye sore. It covered almost all her head and hair refused to grow on that area. She tried explaining to me how she got the scar. But frankly, I lost most of my interest because she had about 6 months to tell me! There is nothing this girl doesn't know about me. As if that wasn't enough, when I resumed making love to her, another shock hit me. The hip and bum she wears are 'acquired' ones, padded ones. I was so filled with disgust, I abandoned her on the bed.

Her family members came to beg and I agreed to stay in the marriage. Now the problem is that when I say I am fed up, I am fed up! I could have managed her fake beauty, but her character is nothing to write home about. We are now 3 months into the marriage and this woman is nothing but a mad woman. I am always scared when coming back from work. My heart even beats fast when I notice she is in the kitchen I am about to enter. 

Please help me, I need to take a final decision now or never! Is the 'worse' part of the wedding vows we took? I don't want to die before my time because I have heard other people's stories. 

*Na wah O! My only advice to you is ...DIVORCE HER! She deceived you from onset. Marriage based on deceit is no marriage joor!*

And for you similar women...

FOODS THAT CAN HELP ENHANCE YOUR COMPLEXION

Women tend to lose their 'glow' as soon as they get married, not because marriage is bad but because they get carried away with the hustle and bustle of being married!

In the early years of marriage, while one is still trying to 'settle', you think our looks is what is on our mind?! Lol! It is much later, especially when your hussy starts 'misbehaving' that you will suddenly wake up from your slumber and say to yourself, "Come O! I'm not even shining again!" Then you'll remember the irregular and unhealthy eating pattern, not to mention the daily exposure to the harsh sun, doing school runs or shopping for the family!

All hope is not lost my dear! According to Everyday Health, there are certain natural foods we can eat to bring back the shine:

• Tumeric / Curry. Can you imagine?! Well, according to the research done, Curry has very good anti-inflammatory (use your dictionary abeg!) properties, good for eczema, fights ageing by firming the skin up. So those of you that don't use curry. start.
• Oatmeal. This breakfast food is known to help lower cholesterol in the body, as well as for soothing pain, irritations and itch from allergic reactions, sunburn and even from Chicken-pox. You can also use it and cleanse your face by soaking it in warm water and rubbing it on your face in a circular motion for about  10 to 15 minutes. Then you rinse off.
• Olive Oil. Yes, the same Olive oil you know. It's a natural moisturizer and also good for protecting against dry skin, psoriasis or eczema.
• Honey. This is not only a Natural skin moisturizer, it is a natural antiseptic for good wound healing for burns especially. Also good for people with Acne. (To know original honey, put a drop on the ground and if ants gather round it in the next few seconds to minutes, don't bother because that one is fake!). Look for honey in soaps, creams or cleansers.
• Pumpkin. As we get older, the skin naturally loses its 'shine', therefore, this is the time to start using pumpkin. It contains vitamins A and C which are good anti-oxidants that fight ageing. Usually contained in facial peels and hair treatment.
• Salmon. Eat a lot of this col-water fish. It helps battle ageing. Or you look for products that contain fish oil and rub directly on the skin.
• Seaweed. This is popularly used in France and Japan as a skin care ingredient. It is very rich in vitamins, minerals and amino-acids. It is used in spas, especially to treat cellulite. It is a also good for cleansing, firming, softening the skin.
• Green Tea. Drink loads of it. Apart from helping reduce cholesterol, it helps the skin retain moisture and wades wrinkling off. It can be found in facial and body washes, moisturizers and masks, For a refreshing treat, place cold damp green tea bags over the eyes for about 10 to 15 minutes...I prefer mine warm sha!
• Aloe Vera. Very medicinal. It helps to treat sun-burn (confirmed!) and other skin injuries and irritation. It can be found in almost any skin care product.
• Acai or Wild Berries. It contains anti-oxidants, vitamins and essential fatty acids. It's very good for skin protection from the sun, even skin tone and wrinkling.

THE NEW TYPE OF CANCER AFFECTING FAMILIES

Good morning awesome peeps!

Believe it or not, TELEMUNDO for me, is the new 'Cancer' affecting families!

I really didn't want to be a part of this mess, but I'm 'afflicted'!

Whatever activity I'm engaged in, it just has to end before the time of my favourite Tele novellas. If the activity doesn't end, I end it by fire, by force!

My favourites presently are 'Precious Rose' and 'Broken Angel'. I really can't stand watching 'Someone's Watching'....too 'thrillish' for me. I am more into romantic, happily-ever-after kind of movie. My hussy is the only problem I have though. He hates all these Tele novellas with a passion...

Meanwhile, new posts are up! I've tried to make it easy for you, so just click on it...

• Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage
• "THERE WAS A TIME I STOPPED TALKING TO MY HUSBAND"- LARA GEORGE
• My Husband has Refused to Update My Housefeeding Money

NEW POSTS UP!!

Top of the morning to y'all!

As you can see, my blog site is still under construction, so please bear with me.

I have updated some pages so do visit:

• 'AGONY' MAILS - MY WIFE IS A SCAM!
• BEAUTY TIPS - FOODS THAT CAN HELP ENHANCE YOUR COMPLEXION
• FASHION TRENDS - CAN YOU ROCK THIS?!
• ABOUT PAGE

I' m really upset at the resumption date set by this our confused government. I really need my kids out of the house and in school! Sad thing is that, my kids are super excited about this...I understand that Ebola is in town, but now the scare is more than the disease!!

Government, I hope this is your final 'answer'!

EXAM QUESTION FOR MEN IN THE HOUSE!!

According to @Giditraffic, who retweeted this tweet, asking which woman men would rather marry?

So guys, which lady would you prefer? Please be honest, and don't copy yourselves!!

Time starts now...

CELEBRATING THE DISSOLUTION OF SOMEONE'S MARRIAGE!

I am sorry I really shouldn't be doing this but you know me nah...I hate injustice in any form or format!

This gist should have been brought to you like since yesterday, but 'housewife/career' work no gree make I see road, and to top it all, my first 'fruit' is starting secondary school...so you can imagine all the preps!

I have this male client (patient if you like, because of the way some people's mind dey do overtime!) whom I saw after 2 years since our last meeting (not sure of this grammar, but you get the idea sha). He looked very different, not only that, he looked contagiously excited and at peace with himself, that I had to ask out of curiosity (before what will be out of). It was when he started, that I remembered him and his 'hot' gist.

The first time I met this guy, he appeared generally anxious, on edge and if you like somewhat in a daze. He is nerdishly handsome. He is the type of man you could leave with loads of computer work and newspaper just to make him happy! He was married to a 'mad' woman...yes, mad O! The kind of woman that could talk for hours, non-stop. She did absolutely whatever she liked without seeking his opinion. She had no iota respect for my client...as in NO RESPECT! She denied him sex if she felt he didn't deserve it!

They had been married for 5 years and no issue. By the 3rd year, my client thought it was time for them to seek professional help, but she declined. Everytime the issue was raised, she would insult the living daylight of my client claiming he was the one with the problem, that she trusts herself. *Now that explains his disturbed look on our first encounter*

The emotional and verbal torture from his wife continued until one day he overhead her on the phone making a 'baby' business transaction. He stopped dead in his tracks. He has never been in support of adoption (What's his own sef?!) not to mention involving himself with illegal transactions. He reproached her on what she planned to do and yes you guessed right...insult upon insult. Anyway, with the kind of argument or quarrel they had, one would have thought that she would have a rethink! My client got back from work one day and saw that his dear wife had a new born baby she bought for about seven hundred thousand naira! He tried talking to her but she turned a deaf ear to all he had to say singing lullabies to the baby. To make matters worse, his mother inlaw was around to do 'Omugwo' meaning that 'it is not today's story he was dealing with'! That means also that his inlaw and his wife had been planning this adoption thing for donkey years!

To cut matter short, as my client started packing his box to leave his home, his mother inlaw and wife threw themselves on the ground begging him and confessing that it was not his wife's fault but the fault of her ex-boyfriend who made her destroy her womb! So she had deceived him just to get married to cover her shame. Infact, the confessions were too much for him, he didn't even bother carrying the packed box again, he just abandoned his once - upon - a - time home and rented another one. He started divorce proceedings on the grounds of DECEIT...and he finally got it not just from the court but from the church!

And you say, I shouldn't celebrate with him! Some women are plain evil! I'm sure my client would have forgiven her but for her evil nature, she just had to GO!!

Please, if you know you are a wife in a similar situation, do a turn around now. Confide in your husband so that when 'yawa' gas, your husband will not deny you like peter denied Jesus!

BLOG READER DESPERATELY NEEDS A FRIEND!

Yeah! I know...when I received this distress email, I thought "Oh, Blimey! Do people still do 'best-friends' these days, more so, adults!"

Her name is Bukky (I am leaving out her surname).

Hi,
    My name is Bukky,I am married with two kids and presently am a housewife.

   I am 34 years old and am desperately in need of a true friend,a best friend.

                                                     Thanks

Well, she didn't say if she wants a male bestie or female bestie.

Look Bukky, I understand what you might be going through. I don't know how long you have been married for, but there comes a point when think you don't know and can't understand your spouse. Because in actual sense, our husbands are supposed to be our best friends, but a lot of factors put a strain on the relationship as soon as you guys get hitched! And babies, who are supposed to be blessings, ironically makes matter worse. *Hehehe, please, don't ask me how* so somehow, the husband and wife sort of drift apart...

And then while he is trying to catch his groove on, you are looking for a maybe temporary 'replacement' that can help fill the void he may have created. So you try to turn to your supposed 'friends' and while you are unburdening your heart and soul, you discover that they are not who they actually claim to be! You find out that they are full of envy, hate or gossip, a complete opposite of what you bargained for, infact worse than your precious husband. You are immediately transported back to square 1! So you were pushed to send this distress mail, hoping and praying that there are a few good people out there...

Anyway Bukky, I have only one thing to say, if you like call it advice...Do you recognize this building?!....  If you do, please go inside and search for this awesome man ... , unburden your mind to Him. You will never reget it. He is and will always be the best friend anyone can ever ask for. But you should still have friends O! ...good ones at that sef.

Wish you all the best in your search!

FOOD FOR THOUGHTS

 A friend sent this to me via Whatsapp!

I vividly Recall the story of a man who became popular for engaging in money rituals just to buy the 80's edition of the Honda Prelude. You wouldn't buy that car for 50k today. 

Some other guy brutally murdered his brother ( whom their father gave cash 2 travel 4 the purpose of re- stocking their warehouse), just'cos he wanted to acquire the rave of the moment - Pathfinder Jeep. That same vehicle is now better described as a coffin.

 I Remember as a kid, my whole street gathered to watch a truck deliver a very large satellite dish to my neighbour's house. Today a dish one tenth that size delivers 5 times the value and is in almost every student's room. 

What about the Volkswagen Santana, Mercedes Benz V boot, 505Evolution, Toyota Crown, all overtaken by latest models of Camry, Honda, Bugatti, Bentley, X6, Acura and Infinity.... Vanity! Some ladies left their true loves cos some rich guy then persuaded them with a Benz 190, which turned out to be the only car they ever owned till date. They found out too late that true love is invaluable. 

A friend declared drinks because he launched the Nokia Communicator for over hundred grand in 2002. Today that phone would embarrass the owner and is a joke compared to the low cost and everyday phones. 

What about the MTN SIM card that many people went extra miles before they bought for over 30k, today you will not buy it at N100 bcos all networks are begging people to even take it for free. 

People are still making the most horrific sacrifices over 'vanity' and make enemies over worthless material things. What can I Say? Look back at that one thing you want to kill or die for today and see what becomes of it tomorrow. 

There is absolutely nothing you can't achieve. All you need is a little time and PATIENCE and you would thank God without regrets. There is actually nothing in this world that is worth going to Hell for, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Meditate on this... Enjoy the rest of your life.

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN'S CHALLENGE OF FINDING MR RIGHT - ALIBABA

Read the full gist here.

Baba O! You won't kill person please! LWKD!!

Women, maybe it's high time you stopped complaining about not finding Mr. Right and try being Miss Right, or better still search for love in the right places.

LINDA IKEJI BUYS A BRAND NEW RANGE ROVER

Congrats gurl! Loads of hugs and kisses! Click here for the full story and pictures.

...but sadly you have succeeded in scaring most of your prospective suitors away. It will take a man with 'hepatomegaly' (large liver) and 'nephromegaly' (large kidneys) to ask for your hand in marriage (and you will marry in Jesus name, that is if you so desire it...because marriage, I think is seriously over rated).

Babe, if you ask me O, I think you should have listened more to your father and chilled on buying this 3rd car. What an elderly person sees sitting down, a child cannot see standing. Trust me when I say I love and admire gurls like ya, but this is Live in Naija, where the men are seriously intimidated by strong women. I also believe that women should be able to make money on their own without necessarily depending on a man.

Men come in categories: some will show outright distaste for your success, some will pretend to love you and steal all your 'gold' while some will go ahead and marry you, then torture you until you spiritually and psychologically denounce your wealth. It is not your portion Linda in Jesus name.

Let me share a friend's recent experience, maybe that will explain my paranoia...

A friend of mine is currently separated from her husband of 5 years, not by choice but by force. The man one day, just pounced on her, beating her black and blue, just after she had spanked her daughter for doing something wrong. It had never happened before in the history of being married to her husband. She finally opened up to me that her marital problems started after she bought a house for both of them. When she was about to buy the house, her husband knew about it O! He even encouraged her. Maybe he thought she would never be able to achieve it. One day, she brought home the keys to the house and invited the man to come with her to see the house, which he did. As soon as they stepped into the house, the husband turned to her and started cursing her and swore that she would never smell a dime of his money as long as they stayed married. That, she had the guts to buy a home before him!! The long and short of it is that, he stopped giving her money for housekeeping or personal upkeep and last year up till now, he has not 'touched' her, and now this. He has abandoned their rented apartment and taken their only child away from her. 

Now, this is just one story out of many! So my darling Linda, I'll pray for you. You will only go higher not lower. You will marry someone who will love you more than you love him and beyond material things. You will marry a Prince or Oba in all sense of the word. 

I am still trying to research on why Men find successful Women intimidating. May God help us all IJN.

PREGNANT AT 51!!

God is awesome! It's not like this is news to me O! I've heard but not seen this type of thing in Nigeria. The reason why I'm bringing this gist to you wifeys, especially those 'waiting' in The Lord or have not given up on God, is to prove to you that it is possible and that you should still hang on to your faith.

When I read this gist, I was glad it was not a Nigerian gist but an oyibo one. That way it will be easier to convince the 'doubting Thomases' that getting pregnant at an older age is achievable. If it had been a Naija gist, most people would not have believed it, they would have said all sorts like 'She adopted that child joor' or 'It's a surrogate child!' Anyway, this is proof already...

According to New York Post, Tracey Kahn, conceived her 2nd baby when she turned 50years old last year, and is expecting her baby at 51years of age. Her first baby is 2years old. She has had numerous IVF treatments, not to mention the countless miscarriages or the side comments from strangers!

Tracy doesn't care what others think and when asked "Are you their grandmother, she proudly replies, " No, I'm their mother! Aren't they lucky?!"

You can read all about her journey to becoming a mum here.

DO YOU EXPERIENCE ANY OF THESE INTIMACIES IN YOUR MARRIAGE?

Na wah O! Wonders will never cease...it's good to read sha! 

Just a few days ago, I was reading this really inspiring book by Larry J. Russell, "Before Love Dies", and I was totally bawled over when I read that there are actually 6 types of intimacies experienced in marriage. The only reason why I went ahead to read it was because I needed to understand what type of intimacy we Nigerian wives get from our Nigerian husbands! 

I've always believed that Nigerian love had one kind of 'k' leg! I dunno joor, you just can't compare it to oyibo love sha! Sometimes, when you think you understand your marriage, things start to happen and throws you into further confusion, making you question if your husband really loves you.

Read on...

1. Intellectual Intimacy. This is when your spouse has regards for your thoughts and opinions. When your wife comes up with great ideas and the husband puts her down and totally disregards her opinion, he has destroyed intellectual intimacy. Somehow, you just feel you and your husband are not intellectually on the same level. Or in a worst case scenario, someone is the 'olodo' and the other person, a 'brainy'! *hehehe*

2. Social Intimacy. You and your hussy share good times and bad times together. You enjoy outings together which help build your marriage. You guys also allow yourselves to enjoy your own friends. There is a balance. But has any of you wifeys noticed that in a typical Nigerian marriage, the husband knowingly or unknowingly socially ostracizes the wife, and spends more time with his own friends. The wife in turn begins to experience loneliness and lack of love on all levels. *Smh*

3. Recreational Intimacy. Marriage does not mean 'end of fun' for both of you. No fun times equals dead boring marriage. Work hard, play hard. Some husbands are so dead deep into and inside their work, that they actually forget they have a family and worse still tear the page of the dictionary that defines 'fun'! Life is too short for you not to have fun with your wife, talk less of your family. 

4. Emotional Intimacy. This is the connectedness you feel with your spouse when the 2 of you are together. This is the glue that holds the marriage. Most wives are on their own on this! Sometimes I get the feeling that Nigerian husbands are only emotional during the 'chase' or 'courtship' phase but the minute they marry you, they become 'hard'! 

5. Spiritual Intimacy. Oh my goodness gracious! I can't even begin to describe how difficult it can be to get your husband to be on the same spiritual level as you. Jeez, it's like dragging a horse to the sea to drink! It can be very frustrating to get husbands to appreciate God for all He is worth. 

6. Sexual Intimacy. This sex of a thing can cause serious issues in marriage. I used to be naive that sex really shouldn't be a problem in marriage. Some husbands are very good at just spreading your legs without even looking at your face, or commencing foreplay, or even noticing that you are still mad at him. 

HOW TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND'S HEART

Mscheew! I'm sure you were expecting to see a long list of How tos'!

Please, for your information, go and study your husband and create your own formula! *hehehe*

Well you can 'borrow' one of the formulas I have...cooking this sumptuous dish...don't forget to add a drop of sweat to it!

Men usually do not enjoy a meal if your sweat isn't in it!...just kidding!

I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR MY EX-GIRLFRIEND!!

My goodness gracious...imagine waking up to read this kind of mail! I actually thought these things happen in the movies, Nigerian movies to be precise! But please, read first before we start rubbing minds.

But I like all these kind of gist sha! 

Read on...

Dear NHW,

I am a happily married man (or so I thought) with a handsome 18 months old son. Before I continue, please I want to say that I really enjoy your blog. 

 I ran into my ex-girlfriend in Shoprite after 5years of being apart. We are from different tribes and her parents, being Yoruba never approved of our relationship. I am an Ibo man. I have never truly stopped loving her and seeing her again brought the emotions back again, almost as if we were never apart. It has left me so depressed and I feel disconnected in every aspect of my life and it is beginning to affect the way I relate with my wife. The poor woman has not been a problem for me. I really loved her enough to take her to the alter until I met my ex again. 

If I must confess, I have been in touch with her for a few weeks now but I eventually had to tell her that we couldn't continue the relationship since I didn't want to hurt my wife. Sadly she agreed to it. This has further pushed me into another level of depression. I miss her badly, more so, since she is single. 

The problem I am having now is that, when I eventually confessed to my wife about the feelings I had for my ex and quickly told her that the relationship was over, she still annoyingly brings it up! I thought I was dealing with a mature person. I regret even telling her. 

The final problem is that I got a text message from my ex telling me how much she misses me and would want for us to meet. I really do not want to complicate my life with any stressful emotional relationship but I still have strong feelings for this girl. How can I tell if it's love I have for her or whether it's her friendship I'm craving. At this point, I feel more at ease telling my ex things than my wife who is less emotionally stable. 

Help me..how can I deal with this?!

*Bia, guy, which kind fake exam question is this?! Even my 9yr old can answer this question. In the first place, why should you bother your wife with an unnecessary yarn that will not yield any love. Did you expect your devoted wife to pop champagne on receiving that kind of gist. For your info, it's not everything you open your mouth and start telling your spouse. There are some things that are best kept private! There is a massive difference between 'Privacy' and 'Secrecy'. Privacy deals with thought, ideas or actions that are personal and in most cases better not shared. Therefore, recounting past escapades with your spouse that will not be 'maritally' productive, is highly unnecessary and private. 

Anyway, without mincing words...I'm sure you know what to do. If you guys were meant to be together, no matter the storm you would have been together! Please free this your old flame that is threatening your marriage. Any relationship that threatens your marriage is not worth keeping!! 

Lemme stop hia before I start vomiting...blog people, over to you.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE- SEUN KUTI

Morning peeps!

I should have posted this article like ages ago...but you know nah how the thing go!

I stumbled on this article in Linda Ikeji's blog and thought I should bring it here for further deliberation.

Well it's basically about what Seun Kuti said about marriage. And I thought "Hmmm...I'm kinda feeling this guy!"

 

Read here if you want to know what he said.

 

Please don't get me wrong, I just think it doesn't make sense to go all the way with an all time ceremony of a wedding and then few months to few years (if you are lucky it gets to years), the marriage crashes!

Or people tie the knots, only to start changing into all sorts of things (animals and birds inclusive!) or the man that used to give loads of stuff to you, suddenly becomes tight-fisted...not that he doesn't have. He just feels that now that you have assumed that 'most wanted' position as a wife, you should cut down on your needs!

 

Tell me, after all these and many more things you enjoyed as a single person, wouldn't you think marriage was not necessary!

 

*Please marry O all of you intending to tie the knots...I'm not trying to discourage you*

 

You know, lol, when my hussy is trying some stunt of not giving me what I ask of him (something he would have given when we were still unmarried), I just tell him to pretend that I am still in 'girlfriend' mode and not see me as a wife! It seems to me that that word 'wife' kinda distorts the way they relate with you.

 

So really, if you ask me (which I am sure you won't!) I rather remain his 'girlfriend' than be his 'wife'.

 

Being a girlfriend sure does come with a lot of benefits ( which could end anytime unfortunately since they are not legally bound)!

 

Don't worry, just stick around more, in time I would try and compare benefits of being a wife with benefits of being a girlfriend! *Hehehe*

Have a blessed day!

N.B  If you have not voted...do that before you log out!!

THE WIFE WITH 'MONITORING' SPIRIT!

 In the past, being a 'Housewife' didn't really mean anything apart from a woman who just stays at home to 'man' the home-front. But these days, the word 'Housewife' connotes 'stay home mum who does no other work apart from cooking, cleaning, rearing kids, gossiping, forming or joining the famous 'wives'association', generally minding other people's business' as compared to being a 'Home-maker' who is a stay-home mum that cooks, cleans, rears kids, 'mans' her home front, has an extra job to earn some cash (and probably respect) and generally minding her business. 

I have observed that apart from the many 'jobs' the housewife is involved in, they are good at 'monitoring'...in fact very good! They monitor everything monitorable, even their husbands. They are never comfortable staying in their space until they move into yours! 

If you are a husband out there, your wife has a 'monitoring spirit' if she does any of the following and more...*hehehe*

 You guys feeling me! Lolz!

 Infact some wives kill their husband's phone batteries in the process!

...and they end up getting the shock of their lives!

...even when nothing is going on. Her mind keeps playing tricks on her. #yabalefttinz

Or anytime, your family members are having a private discussion with you, you catch them doing this...

 Talk about major insecurity issues!

 ...just when she thinks she's not doing enough to monitor you! O gaa O!!

And after she has exhausted all avenues of monitoring you,...

I only have one word for you 'Monitoring-spirited' wife, Do a Turn-around and...

And don't worry, I will be praying for you on my own end!