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A DAY I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER FORGET!

   Please, whatever is going on in your mind, don't laugh at the pics just yet! I can explain! 

You see, I was invited to come give a talk in an Anglican Church and so I wore my top (That you see in the picture) and a pair of black denim pants. In my mind, I was so sure I was properly and of course decently attired! Only for me to get to the church, some of the women in the church almost had a stroke! I was really wondering why they were speaking in whispers. Not until one of the women summoned up courage and told be nicely, "The women in the church do not wear trousers, not even the young girls". Wow! That was quite a blow!

Of course, I couldn't go back to where I am coming from, not after crossing 7 seas and 7 lands. They either had to deal with my clothing or give me something nice that would fit my top! A woman volunteered to get something for me to wear. Hmmm! I studied her from head to toe, wondering what she was going to get for me (definitely nothing similar to what she was wearing, I hoped!) *covering my eyes in shame*

 I waited patiently for close to 20 minutes, only for the 'good samaritan' to return with a brand new 'wrapper'...Ok, am I supposed to get excited because it is new?! For crying out loud, how was the wrapper and its flowery prints supposed to match my top?! But you see in this life, beggars ain't got any choice!

So the result?...Is what you see!

If you think the outfit is awful, I really don't care because the women in the church thought I was simply and beautifully dressed!  Lol!

HAVING A 'SEXUAL ABUSE' TALK WITH MY 5 YEAR OLD

Awesome morning it is!

It's feels good when you know that to an extent your kids have a certain knowledge about important issues. I try as much as possible to always communicate important events to them, breaking all the details down as much as possible. It hurts me when some parents hide certain information and facts from their kids, simply because they feel that they are too young to understand these things or "They shouldn't be exposed to such words or some information". Let me seize this opportunity to inform you that you as parents, do them more harm than good. #IgnoranceIsCertainlyNotBliss

I was helping my 5year old with her bath when I noticed the way she moved as soon as I tried washing her 'private area'.

 So I asked,"Has anyone been touching you there?" 

She nodded and of course I asked again with a slight frown on my face "Who?" 

"The Sponge!" she blurted. Her siblings and I laughed pretty hard.

"But Mummy, do you honestly think someone would have the guts to touch her there?!" asked my 9 year old. 

No I didn't think anyone would or could touch her 'there' but there are possibilities. 

 Somehow, I was expecting a silly answer from my 5 year old, because if someone really had been 'invading her privacy', I would have known and besides this is a 'topic' we address almost all the time, so much so that my kids could give a lecture on it! 

So, for peace of mind sake and safety reasons, I just thought we should brush up on the topic again!

Me: So Sweetheart, would you allow anyone touch your vagina?

Fore: Nooo O! (with a horrid look on her face)

Me: What will you do if someone insists on touching your vagina?

Fore: I will say No or I will run away or even scream out loud! (with a grin on her face)

Me: What if he uses sweets or biscuits to beg you to allow him to touch your vagina?

Fore: Nooo! What sorts of sweets?! I don't need his dirty sweets! You and Daddy buy me anything I want!

Me: Good! But what if he threatens you? What if he says stuff like "I'll kill you" or "I'll kill your Mummy and your Daddy if you tell them"

Fore: I will still tell you now because I know he can't do anything. He is only saying stuff like that because he wants me to be afraid!

Me: What if he tries to force himself on you? Will you just stand there and be looking?

Fore: Nope! I'll just aim for his balls! 

Me: Yeah! Hi-five babe!

And that was the end of our discussion. Of course I left the other bits we have talked about in the past which include:

- The likely offenders of sexual abuse (It is almost always people who the children know and trust)

- Places and things the children should avoid going to and doing like the girl going to call the driver in the boys quarters, sitting on people's laps, etc

- Other methods of saving themselves from being sexually violated.

My people, things are happening O! This is not the time to be doing 'Holy holy'  or 'spiri'. Tell your kids the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Kids are actually smarter than we know it!

#BringBackOurGirls

I AM GETTING TIRED OF MY WIFE AND MY MARRIAGE

Wow! Finally, I will be let off the hook! I have been called all sorts because some of my readers think I have issues with the men...and I don't O!

I got a mail from one of my male readers who had a lot to say about his wife of almost 4 years. And I must say, the man made sense sha!

Read and please with open mind O!...

Dear NHW,

Well done on the good work you have been doing so far, even though I don't agree with everything you say. I am writing with a heavy heart because I have thought about the decision I am about to take. I have even sampled people's opinion.

The issue is about my wife. I am tired of her and this so-called marriage of a thing. I married her when she was innocent, a pure flower. I brought her up to my taste because we courted for about 2 years before we got married 3 and a half years ago in the Anglican church. God has blessed us with 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl.

I saw her through the latter part of her university education so that she will be able to fit into my clique of friends (they are all highly placed people). To cut the story short, I cannot exactly say when the change occurred. They say men cheat, husbands cheat but nobody cares to know why they cheat.

After the second year of our marriage, a friend of my wife introduced her to The Lord's Chosen Church and I think that was where all the problem started. Her mode of dressing changed from bad to worst. I am a man that admires beautiful things. I buy good clothes for this woman, some of them from good designers, but she doesn't wear them. Instead she wears this set of ugly clothes. Even the designer perfumes I buy, she either gives them out or throws it away. I have complained severally, but it is as if they teach them to be stubborn in that church. When I am talking to her, it is as if I am talking to a brick wall. 

Without wasting too much time, let me just list the problems I am having with her, so that you can tell me if I am the one with the problem:

1. She smells, since she doesn't use roll-on or perfume.

2. She has cut her hair and she doesn't apply makeup,so you can imagine how she looks. Her saving grace is that she has beautiful fair skin.

3. We have little or no sex. And when we do, it is getting boring because it is only one style.

4. She spends more time doing church programs than taking care of the home front.

5. The truth is that my wife is not really a good cook but I didn't make a big deal of it initially because she made up in other aspects but now those other aspects are no more there.

6. Conversation with her is so boring. Infact, mere looking at her general appearance puts me off.

7. She doesn't allow my children watch TV, saying all the programs are satanic.

See NHW, the list is endless. What pains me the most is the fact that she is insensitive to my cry and sadness. And I keep asking her, Nneka (name changed) is this you? Because I know you will ask, I don't beat my wife. I have never laid a finger on her but this behaviour, does it not warrant beating because I never bargained for this. So please, tell me what next.

Wow, wow, wow,wow,wow! This is serious venting. That is marriage for you. Well I don't think your wife changed over night my dear, you just failed to notice the signs early enough and address those problems.

My dear, I really don't know what to say. Let's be thankful first that it is God she is worshipping! And we can't always bail out when the going gets tough in marriage, that is one 'test of faith' most couples fail. We married for better for worse...and not better and best. So my little advice is this:

- Prayers and more prayers if you really love her.

- Build communication with her

- Seek counsel with people who know and understand you as a couple

Maybe you guys have a few words for him or those of you who have gone through this, please share.

MARRIED TO THE MAN WHO RAPED YOU

Na wah O! Na wah for finding love in the 'wrongest' possible way! 

Good sexy morning to y'all...before I forget my manners.

I just have to share this with you guys, lest I quench! 

Yesterday, I met a supposed 'power' couple at the clinic. The wife was actually the one who had issues with her health and her doting husband agreed to accompany her. *Awww, how sweet* *in Zelda's  voice* 

Anyways, it got to a point of the history taking, I had to ask the lady's husband to excuse us for 'confidentiality' purposes. I was about to take her social/sexual history and wasn't sure if she wanted her husband to know all the details! 

I asked her when she achieved 'sexarche'(her first sexual experience)...and without wasting time, knowing where I was going to, she told me as a matter of fact that it was her husband that disvirgined her when he and a couple of guys raped her in her university years!!  Of course, I was not only shocked, I was totally disgusted and nauseated! *Please O! I didn't let any of what I was feeling show on my face or else she won't give me all the juicy details of her 'romance' with her 'rapist' husband*

Please, I needed to find out from her how possible it was for her to fall in love with someone who raped her. She said it wasn't something she had planned to do. But for her God works in mysterious ways. True. She said after she had been raped, she swore for the guys that took her dignity away and vowed never to get married to any man, no matter how charming. Her heart was full of hate then and she couldn't share her agony with anyone, not even her family, for fear of stigmatization. 

Six years after the incidence and after she had graduated from university, she got a job in a consulting firm. She met her husband there and they got close surprisingly. It was in the course of their romance that her husband started confessing to her about something he did in his university years and which he has not been able to forgive himself for. He confessed to her how he and 4 of his friends raped a young girl who was coming from class one late evening. He said he was the first to pop her 'cherry' and it was after his round that the scales fell off his eyes on what he had done...but he couldn't take it back! 

She said after she heard the story, she broke down in tears and cried the tears of long ago, tears she had not been able to cry! She broke up with him but her husband was not ready and willing to give her up just yet! It took him another 6 months to win her back but it had to be on her own terms, that he got some deliverance in her church!

Na wah O! See how God works...

Even though I am still in shock, may our girls never have to be raped before they find love in Jesus name. Amen. 

"NIGERIAN WOMEN NEED AFFECTION NOT ROMANCE"...LADIES, DO YOU AGREE?

Good morning my luvlies! It is important I 'quietly' greet you because of my long unavoidable absence.

Yesterday, when I took my kids out for some pizza and ice-cream, I bumped into a friend's husband. He was having a meal (not just any meal, a dish) all by himself and I asked him why he was 'enjoying' all by himself! He replied that he gives himself a treat once in a while. And I told him how I thought that was selfish of him considering the fact he was married. I asked if he ever thought of including his wife once in a while in this his 'enjoyment'. And he said No. Because in all my many years of marriage, I have never actually thought of taking myself out until I noticed my very own 'oga' didn't have issues giving himself a treat. And so I said to myself, "Why should I now be the one to slack?"

The conversation did not end there O! After I told him that his behaviour was very selfish and unromantic, he started 'vexing' and 'vomiting' that I sounded just like his wife! I said you see, so it's not like I am just opening my mouth to talk. I asked him if he had ventured inviting his wife for this his 'enjoyment' and he said if he had asked her, she would have said she was busy! "Did you ask?" is the issue here...but No! I then asked him when last he did something romantic for his dear wife and that was when my friend's husband decided to give me an 'inaugural lecture on the difference between ROMANCE and AFFECTION!

Listen up wives, but in this case, look up and read well...

Nigerian women do not need romance but affection. Women should stop asking for romance like teenagers, that what we really need is affection. Romance does not mean love but affection portrays it. That we should stop asking for 'things' that will not be beneficial to us and the rest of the family!

I then asked him to differentiate between romance and affection. This is what he had to say...
Romance is just a temporary thing and sometimes a one-off excitement that cannot relieve his wife of stress. But in affection, he is able to cater to the needs of his wife, domestically and otherwise. Expressions of affection and not romance, are loving actions. The more of it, the better. He said he would rather offer a helping hand in domestic crisis when she calls for assistance, praise her when he feels she is doing well in her 'department' and keep her company if need be but as for showing romance...it's a "No No!" Only teenagers do that!

 *Can you imagine?!*

I don't see anything wrong in having both AFFECTION AND ROMANCE in the marriage. Having a spark once in a while is not a bad thing and being at my beck and call...doubly fantastic!

After all said and done, my dear friend's husband got up and said he was off to watch a movie...all by himself! And in my bewildered state, I replied, "I hope you don't enjoy the movie!"

MY HUSBAND INTERFERES TOO MUCH IN HOUSE AFFAIRS

Good morning people.

And yes, I cover my face in shame. Some of you have written me, asking why they have not been getting regular posts from me. So, my answer is this...work, work and more work! But I promise to change! 

I have, in the recent past got quite a number of emails from concerned or disturbed wives, who want me to publish them so as to get candid advice from NHW readers.

Read on...

Dear NHW,

I am getting seriously upset with my husband, in fact, disgusted with his behaviour towards handling home affairs. He doesn't allow me to exercise my full role as madam of the house, especially when it comes to choosing my house helps and giving them instructions.

I hate that he is the one that interviews the maids that apply for jobs, and it must be on his own terms and specifications! My opinion does not count. And the most annoying thing is that I noticed that the maids he eventually employs have a particular "something"...big butts! I hate to sound like this but that has been my observation.

Okay, as if that is not enough, when the maids eventually start work, he doesn't allow them work the way they are supposed to. He keeps complaining that I overwork them and even says it in front of them. For crying out loud, "Are they designer maids?!" I have approached my husband severally about this issue and he will apologise but go back doing the same thing.

I am writing because I don't know what to do again O! He won't allow me to choose the maid I want, he won't pay their salaries (yes O!, I am the one that pays their salaries) and on top of every thing, he won't allow them do the work they are supposed to do. For these reasons, the stupid maids don't respect me.

I am beginning to think that there is more to this than meets my eye! I don't have proof of anything but one day na one day, monkey go go market and e no go return!

*Hehehe, Choi, Choi!* This reader will not kill me! My dear I can feel you and what you are going through. I don't allow my husband to put hand or finger in my home affairs, talk less of paying their salaries. He doesn't even mention their names...If he needs anything, he tells me, me (The Boss Lady), yah man! This type of husband self, you need to watch his relationship with the maids closely or else one day,  you will go out and find out that you have been locked out of the house! God forbid sha.

So country people, over to you!

THIS IS THE MALE CHILD YOU HAVE LONGED FOR

 LOL! Seriously laughing in Portuguese here O! I know by now, this picture would have touched every part of the continent!

Kai, Men! After disturbing your wife to produce you the male child, you go and do this!...disowning your son.

I can imagine the story that must have surrounded the birth of this 'disowned' man. Let me guess...he must have been the only child or son of his father (probably after 8 girls). I can also imagine how his sisters might have been denied all the love and support from their father (sometimes from both parents) so that this 'only son' could get the best. I am also sure growing up, nothing he did was ever wrong and maybe his sisters suffered for all his wrong doings!

This guy must have gone to the best schools (that is if he even agreed to go at all...remember, anything he says or does must be right). I am also almost definite, he was supposed to inherit all his father's properties and nothing for his sisters.

This picture should act as a reminder to all parents who probably 'worship' or overindulge their only son or child, that your child is a reflection of who you are! If you can't and don't teach what you don't have or know, how do you expect a child to turn out right?...how? No child was born innately bad, so it is left to you to know what you should do with the child God gives to you. *Garbage in, Garbage out*

Another lesson we should learn from this picture (even if that may not be case) is that you parents should never think that having a male child is far better than having a female child. If that is your thinking, you better erase that thought from your head or else you will get the shocker of your lives! *Hehehe*

On a final note, this method of 'disowning' a child, is totally uncalled for and seriously unnecessary. From the minute a child is born, you as a parent owe it to him or her to start instilling your values into them. Don't overlook any misbehaviour your child exhibits, instead, you should magnify the behaviour by 100 and then treat the misbehaviour or else that behaviour will haunt you in the future...like the one the guy above must have committed. *But, this guy must have really committed*

Alrighty, guys...have a lovely day.

CELEBRATING THE AFRICAN CHILD

Me with the Founder, HACCI

Wow! So this week has been like C-R-A-Z-Y! One event after another. You got that right...I am trying to apologise for my unavoidable absence! LOL! I've missed you guys too but you see a chic has got to do what she got to do na!

One of the events I got caught up in was the Celebration of The African Child which was celebrated at the National Stadium yesterday, 16th June, 2014. I was seriously honoured to be a key Speaker at the event in which I presented a paper on "Sexual Abuse and The Community".

And some of you who know me well, know I am seriously passionate about issues such as these! So trust na, I seized the opportunity to 'go to town' on 'Child Abuse' in general and how the African Child has been seriously affected by this social ill. I talked about other forms of child abuse: Physical abuse, Emotional abuse and Child Neglect.

I was touched to know that most kids in attendance were or have been affected by one form of abuse or the other as they were allowed the opportunity to speak out. In the end, tips were given on how they could protect themselves and how members of the community can join in the fight to protect our young ones. Of course, great emphasis was placed on #BringBackOurGirls

The event, which was a huge success, was under the distinguished Chairmanship of the Chairman Itire/Ikate LCDA, Hon. Hakeem Adisa Bamgbola and the Special Guest of Honour, Commissioner for Youth/Sport and Social Dev., Hon Enitan Oshodi.

Various Organisations were in attendance:
- ASTRAH Initiative (Awareness and Skills Training on Adolescent Health)
-HACCI (Hope Alive Child Care Initiative)
- ACEP (Association for Childhood Education Practitioners)
-ACF (Arms of Comfort Foundation)
-HFFPD (Humanity Family Foundation for Peace and Development)
-CERF (Children Emergency Relief Foundation)
- African Child Eduright
- Good Living Initiative
- Arise Initiative
- Haggai Fondation
- Healing Heart Foundation

I took the shot, so you can't possibly see me!

Dance Presentation by African Children 

A Cross-Section of some of the schools that participated

Na me O! #PoseofLife

So, you see your girl has been working.

FYI, today is my birthday, so there is plenty time or room for cash or kind! *Hehehe* No dulling please.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Happy Father's Day guys!

Is not easy! *Abeg, chop knuckle jare! *

Is it easy to pay school fees?

Is it easy to pay house rent?

Is it easy to give madam housekeeping money regularly?

Is it easy to toil night and day just to make sure your family is comfortable?

Is it easy to take the children out for fun especially on special occasions such as these?

...what else do fathers do self?!...If it's mothers now, the list would have been endless!

If you know you are a father just by name and not by action, as in you have not been doing the aforementioned...lol! My mum says you are nothing but "Man in skirt and blouse"   *No be me talk am O*

May God continue to protect our Fathers and let them live long to continue to do their work (especially to see our children up to and more than university level). AMEN !

6 TYPES OF FRIEND YOU SHOULD HAVE

According to The Ladies' Home Journal, friends are like shoes, that you have to keep trying until you get the right fit. It's almost impossible to get a friend who has everything you are looking for, therefore, it's okay to foster friendship that relate with your different situations, moods or whatever!

1. The Work-Friend. You guys have a good working relationship. Productivity is fantastic when you guys are together. You even do well with office gossip. But that's just where it ends...the office.

2. The Friend in Your Kid's Class. This kind of friendship is good especially when you guys are dropping your kids off at school. This friend will give you an up to date information on school and class issues.

3. The Friend Who's Known You Forever. This friendship, they say, is priceless. Your friendship can be traced from childhood. All those memories. This kind of friend is most likely the one that knows you but not necessarily understands you. They can stand as a brother or sister.

4. The Hobby Buddy. This is a friend you want to hang out with when you want to act all silly and have a good laugh. You can go watch a movie or whatever. This friend shares the same interest and you can be yourself with this person.

5. The Straight-Talking Friend. I love this kind of friendship too. Life is not and cannot always be fun. Some friends cannot handle being serious and playful at the same time, so you need this type of friendship, someone who you can have a heart to heart talk with and also be honest.

6. The Feel-Good Friend. This friend always has a nice way of lifting your spirit...almost like a 'cheerleader' in your life. This is a friend that will be truly happy for you in all honesty when something good happens to you (unfortunately, there are not too many of these type of friends...too many 'winch' people!).

It's not compulsory to have all types, but still have the ones that truly fits into the most-needed category. Sometimes, you may be lucky and find someone with all the qualities and more!

MARRIAGE CONTRIBUTES TO AGEING!

Good morning peeps!

Lol! This article is not intended to discourage those that are planning to spend the rest of their lives together! Please O! Go ahead and tie the knots but that doesn't mean you shouldn't share in 'adult' gist. My own is for you to shine your eyes sha! So sit down quietly and hear us discuss! *Tongue out*

Ehen!...I say this because of my recent observation over a period of time at my clinic and finally a woman who visited my clinic yesterday, just confirmed it. For a period of time now, I have compared the ages of different married women to their appearance when they visit the clinic and I must say that, there is a striking difference!

I found out that most married women who appear older than their ages, are so because of a bad marriage! While those who appear younger than their ages, are so because they are single or they just left a bad marriage! And if you are a married woman who is neither 'here' nor 'there', it is because you have found a way to make yourself happy...please, you don't have to agree with me! You can see I am not asking questions. 

I met a 'young' old lady who finally brought a conclusion to my observation. While I was taking her bio-data, I asked how old she was. Thinking she was going to say something like 40something, to my utmost surprise, she said 67 years old. Of course, I had to stop and verbally confirm if she understood my question! She laughed and repeated what she told me...now she had my full attention! So I asked her one simple question to her amazement, "Are you married?"

"Yes and No", she replied smiling. I didn't stop there of course, and so I went on to ask again, "Are you still with your husband?"

Then, she finally gave me an answer I have been waiting to hear, "No"! She had been 26 years-husband free! *Hehehe*

BINGO!! That was the secret to a youthful look even in old age - NO MAN/HUSBAND WAHALA!

So you see, Men, your 'problems' are too much, which can only be solved by divine intervention! Please, let's continue with the story...

In this my client's case, it was her husband that walked out on her. He left her for another woman. If you see this my client, very well read and distinguished...as in 'butter'! I wanted her to tell me what caused the break-up but she said even she self, cannot say. That the day he left, they had even joked around in the morning and kept him company while he did his laundry and she cooked. Only for her to go to work and do a few things and then came back to meet an empty room. Immediately, the Holy Spirit ministered to her and told her not to break down, that it's not like she was the one that left, it was her husband. It was later she heard from one of her in laws that she caused her problem. I asked her how and she replied by saying, she had been the one keeping the family for 10 years since her husband lost her job. That she even sent him back to get some education, on top of how much?!  During those trying times, my client said she looked so tattered despite having a good job. But now, if you see the 'babe'! Anyway, the 'koko' of the matter is that her husband saw her as someone he would not be able to control since she had comfortably assumed his role!

You need to understand where my disgust is coming from...Men have serious 'spiritual' issues!(at least some men). If you do...trouble. If you no come do...wahala. If you say okay, lemme siddon look...more problems! *Diaris God O!*

Women especially you wives, you have seen it, you owe it to yourself to be happy! No man can give you internal happiness except you. So stop asking your fellow wives what the secret of their youthful look is...it's the internal happiness you create for yourself! Don't over do to the extent of taking over your husband's duty! Do the one that your body, mind and spirit can carry and leave the rest. Because, whether you do or you don't do, these men are still ungrateful. That is they don't ever appreciate. *Please, if you know you are a man and you feel this is not true about you, no need getting upset or wasting your emotions, trying to tell me this or that, this doesn't concern you...just keep walking! Duh?!* 

My fellow women (not widows abeg!), let us try and be telling ourselves the home truth! No man can love you more than you, no matter how they say it to you. If you have children, thank God but if you don't, don't worry, God in His infinite goodness is preparing beautiful children for you. No man is perfect, and we all can't keep walking out of a marriage because of a man's selfishness and ingratitude, not to mention pettiness (Gosh! They are so petty!). You can only leave a marriage when there is ........................... (fill in the gap)...any three persons who gets this will get a recharge card of his/her choice from moi! 

So, on a final note babes, work out a happiness plan!

Smile, Jesus loves you.

HIS FRIENDS, HER FRIENDS, AS A CAUSE OF MARITAL DISCORD

Now who says adults don't suffer from occasional bouts of peer pressure?!

In marriage, some people can live and die for their friends. Let me tell you now at this point, that it is not all friendships that are good for marriage. Their some friends that are okay to hang out with when you were still single but the minute you see that you are in marriage, start dropping them because if you really analyse the friendship, you will know that if care is not taken, your marriage will head to 'Splitsville'.

If truth be told, Friendship can actually be a source of companionship, comfort and entertainment. But when you find yourself in a situation where such friendship is not adding any value to your marriage spiritually, financially, academically or emotionally...then it is time to draw the curtains on such friendships.

Just like money, some people think that the more, the merrier! *Laughing in Chinese* So when will you have time for the one that matters the most? Having too many friends in your marriage will never enable you to concentrate in building it. In fact, you will end up with 'Multi-personality Disorder', even your husband will not 'recognize' you any more, whether you are Ada, Ranti, Somto or Sola...In short, cut down on your friends so that you can be your true self!

Meanwhile, there are some friends that will at every given opportunity, put your spouse down. They have no inhibitions running them down, even when you didn't ask for their 'candid' opinion!...Watch out dear! You might not know this, but if you take a closer look at that your friend, you may see a lot of 'green eyed monsters' (if you understand what I mean).

If your partner has issues about your choice of friends, then it's time you take a few steps back and critically review the situation. If still not convinced, ask for an objective view from someone who knows your friends or you address his or her fears about your friends. It's not enough to act selfishly and say things like "It's not your business" or "Abeg, how does it affect you?"


Join me on BBM Channel  PIN 7E0CB71F to discuss "How To Identify Friends that are Good for Marriage"

WEIGHT LOSS IS A BIT*H!

 

Hi Guys, forgive me if you haven't been getting my daily posts, and that's because I've been busy (I said this a hundred times already!). You won't believe me if I tell you that hardwork pays! Lol!

I say this because, I recently found out that 'Weight Loss' is a BIT*H! She is human!

'Fat' is not the problem and has never been. Fat doesn't have problems clinging to you like a life line. Infact, after I quit trying being friends with Weight Loss, we hung out together most all the time! But hanging out with her (Fat) came with a lot of issues...not only was I fast losing my 'rep', she made me do a lot of wrong things: 

- eating loads junk food

- not working out, simply a potato couch

- eating late at night!

She made me feel so bad with myself and almost left me with blood pressure issues!

 I remember how Fat and I used to struggle to be as 'popular' as her (Weight Loss) but somehow, she kept leading the front row! She got all the attention she wanted, even the best parts in school and didn't fail to flaunt it! I remember when I thought it was never gonna get any better:

- Weight Loss, you used to make me take a lot of 'before and after' shots of myself!

- The scales even started complaining when I started climbing on them almost every minute, wondering "How much more they could take!"

- I started having and leading a lot of 'parasitic friends' (cakes, chocolates, ice cream)! They sure didn't mind hanging out with me. *eyes rolling*

- I even stalked the hell out of you on the internet, pages of the magazine and my favourite 'chick flicks'...because for these people, you were a standard, their standard!

I don't know how much my Mum could take but she sure got me into rehab! The doctor diagnosed the following:

1. Depression...Who wouldn't be?! Seeing you every where I go wasn't particularly funny.

2. Anxiety and Stress Disorder...especially when I had to bother a lot about what I had to eat that had little or no calories!

3. Eating Disorder...of course, it had to be either of the following meal codes: 1 0 0 (eat only breakfast), 0 1 0 (have only lunch), 0 0 1,  1 1 0 or 1 0 1.

Well, I survived therapy and came out better and stronger than I have ever been. Feeling happy, I ventured to write me a letter...

 At night or sometimes when I am all alone with my thoughts, memories of our friendship would creep into my mind but I write myself a reminder almost immediately!

I got News Flash for you Bit*h!!!

I eventually resolved to truly love me for who and not what I am. Each passing day, I will continue to work on my 'inside' so that it will show on the 'outside'. I may not be like you exactly but I am never gonna allow you, Weight Loss, to define my essence! 

Listen up Bit*h, you might wanna know that I have made new friends, my new Homies: Exercise and Diet a.k.a. Eating Right!

 So you see Bit*h, You just Got Served! LOL! *Tongue out*

SEX AS A CAUSE OF MARITAL DISCORD

Good morning peeps!

A seriously 'sexy' morning it is with all the rain and tinz!

Remember when I said we were going to take a close look at all the possible causes of marital discord, well, SEX is another one. It may not necessarily be the main one, but it sure is a major one!

Sex in a marriage may mean different things for different folks but however, you choose to view it, it's meant to achieve the same goal for every couple...PLEASURE.

Couples engage in sex for several reasons which may include:

1. Procreation
2. For sexual pleasure
3. To relieve stress
4. As a form of exercise *LOL!*
5. To say 'Thank you'  *Abeg, free me O!*
6. To show off their skills
7. For money-making ventures, etc

But whatever the reasons, this same 'Sex' can cause issues especially in the area of dissatisfaction. A lot of couples fail to understand that in marriage, you can never finish learning about and from each other, therefore, it is important to keep the communication lines open. Don't stay 'locked in'.

Common sexual problems encountered in marriage include:

1. Erectile dysfunction - when the man fails to have an erection or sustain one.
2. When the man fails to 'carry' the woman along. He is totally selfish and is only after satisfying himself.
3. When the woman is not interested (almost a recurrent decimal!). She keeps giving excuses like "I'm tired", "I need to get up early", "The kids will hear"...
4. Lack of foreplay. Most women like to engage in foreplay which not only physically charges her up but also keeps her emotionally engaged.
5. When couples keep using one style of making love...in short BORING!! Try different styles! Be adventurous. For crying out loud, she is your wife, he is your husband! Ain't no shame in fulfilling your sexual fantasies with him or her.
6. When a wife is frigid - when a wife is unable to be sexually aroused and responsive. It may not be her fault, so chill!
7. When a spouse gives too much sex or lack of it. It can go either ways.

Well, there are so many other reasons which you can share in the comment box.

All I want to say or advice, if you permit me:

1. Discuss sex with your spouse. Nothing to be ashamed of.
2. Tell your spouse where, how and where you want to be touched. Speak in a language you both can understand.
3. Seek medical help especially if you know you have erectile dysfunction or you are frigid.
4. Seek a sexologist if you want to add spice to your sex life. If you seek, you will find them.

So my luvlies...da is it for today!!

CHILDREN AS A CAUSE OF MARITAL DISCORD

So, after going on a 2 day hiatus, I have decided to write on issues that bring about marital discord.

I intend to delve into these issues one by one because even I, need to take a closer look at each of these problems. So please, stay with me.

Today, we take a closer look at CHILDREN.

Children have been known to bring joy to the family but they are also known to bring problems, which are illustrated below:

- In the case of INFERTILITY, there is lack of children and this has been known to cause major marital discord.

- When parents use DOUBLE STANDARDS in bringing up their kids. The issue of child favouritism comes up, and this , may not go down well with a spouse who might feel that, one of the children is being handled unfairly.

- If a husband finds out eventually that the children are not biologically his! Wow!...I don't even want to think it!

- When a child or children decide(s) to bring 'disgrace' to the family, it's easy for spouses to point accusing fingers at each other.

- When a wife 'fails' to provide a male child for her husband after 4 to 6 girls! Lol! *Men have issues, SMH*

So, the issue here is, how best can we deal with these problems? Here are some tips, but you can always figure your own way out of it :

1. STOP THE BLAME - GAME. You really have to stop blaming each other and start looking for solutions. It's definitely immature!

2. Start COMMUNICATING by hearing listening to what each other have to say. Understand that men and women see things differently.

3. DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. I don't understand why couples do that. Rather than talk, they head for divorce proceedings! Totally cowardly! Even if you find out that the kids are not yours, I understand it hurts but your spouse is only HUMAN not GOD! For crying out loud, it could have been you in her shoes. Deal with it quietly. The minute you involve 'outsiders', your marriage is as good as dead!

4. Get a BAND-AID FOR YOUR EGO. Yes O! Plaster it! This is particularly for the men! Does not having a male child make you less of a man?!

5. Learn to SEEK FOR HELP. Nobody has the monopoly of knowledge. If you see you guys are not anywhere resolving issues, that it is the time to step out and seek professional help. Notice I did not say, friendly help or neighbourly advice or inlaw advice, I said PROFESSIONAL help. This will help both of you see things objectively.

VALERIE ESSIEN CELEBRATES HER 10TH BIRTHDAY!

Yippee! 

Pweety Miss Valerie Essien, pupil of The Fountain Private School, celebrated her 10th birthday in style, with her friends at the Kernel Park, Surulere. 

Oh my! I had so much fun yesterday. I participated in almost all the games, even the fashion parade! Of course, there were times the MC did 'Ojoro'! 

There was so much to eat and drink but me I no follow them chop!...you know the reason joor! *moju*

I wasn't happy when I had to leave because I was forced by one 'wicked' Aunty Sunbo. When the party for we 'elders' was about to begin, that was when she said she had to go pick up her ride from the car wash!

Kudos to you guys, Mr and Mrs Essien, una try welu welu! When I grow up, I want to be like you.

Pics after the cut,

The Birthday Girl

Valerie with Daddy and Mummy

 

Valerie with Siblings and Parents

Valerie with some of her guests

Besties for Life. Adeife Olaitan and Naijakid

Cute Lil Miss Yusuf who stole the show with her dancing and posing

Your one and only NHW!

With Mrs Yusuf. This was all I ate, frankly speaking!

Still doing my thang!

With birthday Chic. Had to take one with her, haba!

Am I still on it? 

Aunty Sunbo who worn a gift. Agbaya Aunty, LOL!

Wow! So my dearies, da is all!