HOW DO I GET MY DAUGHTER OFF MY MATRIMONIAL BED?!

This is a question I have been asking for three and a half years running and nobody seems to be taking me seriously!

Everyone thinks it is a joke. Just when I thought I we (my hussy too) had succeeded in getting her out, the problem resurfaces!

This is an 'Ebola' situation we are finding hard to deal with. Her siblings and I have tried to rub minds together as to finding an everlasting solution. For real O! My husband, to be precise, succeeded a few months back. So we were 'Fore'-free (Fore is her name) for like say...5 months. Those months I will forever cherish. The chic we are talking about is 6 years old for crying out loud!

Fore sometimes pretends to be good and 'hands up' goes to her room, but in the dead of the night, she sneaks into our bed. And there is really nothing you can do to send her back at that point in time because you are simply dead tired. All I know is that I find myself struggling with an 'alien' to get the duvet! Sometimes, my poor hussy finds half of himself off the bed. Fore is a bad sleeper.

Just the other night, while I and hussy were preparing to retire to bed, our darling daughter, seated at the edge of the bed, made no move to get up, instead, she had her eyes fixed at the TV.

"Madam, Oya O! Time to disappear to your room!" says Hussy.

"Daddy, just a minute. I just want to hear this news!" replies our 'madam', without getting her eyes off the TV. CNN was on. 

But for real?! Who is fooling who? At what age?...CNN?! I and my Hussy looked at each other and ROTFL but we refused to budge.

"Whatever it is that you are planning, my dear, will not work O! Just go now to your room! Listen to your news but all I know is that, you are leaving! Full stop!" I ranted.

The chic no 'kukuma' say anything, so we decided to play along by waiting another 20 minutes...

"Has your news not finished?" my Hussy enquired, pretending to be interested.

"There is still more coming" replied our 'madam'.

"Abeg, Abeg, Abeg! Put the TV off and go to your room. I want to sleep!" I said, seriously running out of patience.

Fore reluctantly gets up, not without 'romancing' the edge of the bed, taking minute baby steps towards the door. until suddenly...

" Oya, come back! Just for this night O!" beckons my Hussy who had finally given in to her scheming. 

I was totally exasperated. I think my Hussy has forgotten that we have continually said those words "Just for this night" for many years now!

You should have seen the look on my daughter's face, the glee! Of course she scurried to the middle of the bed, my matrimonial bed.

Now back to the initial 'exam' question..."HOW DO I GET MY DAUGHTER OFF MY MATRIMONIAL BED?"...AND OUT OF MY ROOM FOR GOOD!

I really wish I could put a price tag on this...really! This is now a matter of URGENCY AND EMERGENCY!